what gift will you give?

 

Why, certainly. Help yourself...

 

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times." When Dickens wrote this line, he wasn't referring to Christmastime...but he could have been. He was writing in the 1800s, but he could have been writing today. This is the beauty of literature...the concepts and context of great storytelling endure across generations. Common themes repeat themselves. We realize we are connected in our joy and sorrow, victory and defeat, pleasure and pain with the rest of humanity all across time and space. 

 

"Across galaxies of time and space,

Travelling just to see your face,

Lost amidst the countless stars

To bring me back to where you are."

~Bryce Anderson~

 

This year, I hope your Christmas is among the best of times. Full of childlike delight and eager anticipation. Alive with bright lights and beautiful music. Inspired with gift-giving and gratitude. Personally, I hope you have a real tree this year, and I hope it snows for you...silent, and deep, and gentle. Mostly, I hope you and the people you love are healthy, that they can be home with you, that your story has a happy ending...

 

"Not to spoil the ending for you,

but everything is going to be okay."

~https://quotess.net~

 

...because, for some, this Christmas will be the worst of times. Some of us are mourning the loss of a loved one. Some are struggling to put gifts under the tree and food on the table. Some are ill. Some alone. Some at war. I could go on.

People everywhere long for an end to suffering, for healing, for peace. 

Go ahead. Ask them what they want for Christmas. What gift will you bring?

A Gift to Bring You

~Rumi~

"You have no idea how hard I've looked

for a gift to bring you.

Nothing seemed right.

What's the point of bringing gold to the gold mine,

or water to the ocean.

Everything I came up with 

was like taking spices to the Orient.

It's no good giving my heart and soul

because you already have these.

So I've brought you a mirror. 

Look at yourself and remember me."

*

I wish you enough.

 

 jan

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



 

 

 

 



deep peace to you

~Hello, Winter~

By now, my family and friends are probably tired of hearing me wish them a Merry White Christmas. To them a snowy Christmas means that guests may not make it in time for the festivities. The kids might not get home. It means getting snarled up in traffic as they scramble to pick up the last gift or two. They may not make it to the grocery store.

www.townandcountryshuffle.com

 

I get it...but still, I love winter and I would give anything for a white Christmas. Why?

"It is the hope of the crystal,

the architect of the flake,

the fire of the frost,

the soul of the sunbeam.

This crisp winter air is full of it."

~John Burroughs~

 

 

*

"The woods are lovely, dark and deep..."

~Robert Frost~

 

 

*

"When I no longer thrill to the first snow of the season.

I'll know I'm growing old."

~Lady Bird Johnson~

 

 

*

"I prefer winter and fall--

when you can feel the bone structure of the landscape--

the loneliness of it--

the dead feeling of winter.

Something waits beneath it.

The whole story doesn't show."

~Andrew Wyeth~

 

*

"When snow falls,

nature listens."

~Antoinette von Kleeff~

 

www.minnesota.publicradio.org

*

"I am younger each year at the first snow.

When I see it, suddenly, in the air

all little and white and moving,

then I am in love again and

I believe everything."

~Ann Sexton~

 

~ attribution unknown~

 

 Do you celebrate the solstice? Are you at peace? Deep peace?

~Happy Winter Solstice~

"Deep peace of the winter solstice to you.

Deep peace of the falling snow to you.

Deep peace of the love of friends to you.

Deep peace of the gentle deer to you.

Deep peace of the moon and stars to you."

~author unknown~

~attribution unknown~

jan





 

be prepared for something amazing to happen

 

What is one thing you'd like to receive this Christmas even though you know you won't be getting it? A new car? A cruise? A winning lottery ticket?

Well, even though it breaks my inner child's heart, I know I won't be getting snow for Christmas this year. This is a huge disappointment because I grew up on a Christmas tree farm in the snow belt (meaning...we got belted with snow!) south of Buffalo, NY. "Snow" was my middle name as a child. Deep, fluffy white snow in drifts up to my waist for five months out of the year. Snow for building forts. Snow for sledding and skiing. Snow for Christmas Day. Without fail.

"I'm dreaming of a white Christmas

just like the ones I used to know."

~Irving Berlin~

When you think about it, all the classic children's stories about Christmas take place up North--from "T'was the Night Before Christmas", to "How the Grinch Stole Christmas", to "A Christmas Carol", to "The Polar Express."

And, who can forget the snowy winter scenes in our favorite Christmas movies--"Home Alone", "Elf", "It's a Wonderful Life", and "Miracle on 34th Street"--as well as the Currier and Ives prints depicting the season?

www.fineartamerica.com

I mean, who pictures palm trees, sand, and surf when they think of Christmas? I always thought Southerners must feel as if their Christmas was somehow less than authentic...when the real spirit of the holiday resides up North.

My inner child would still love to wake up to snow on Christmas morning, but that's not what's really important to me. I would trade it all in if I could wake up to world peace on Christmas Day. If we could shelter, feed, and clothe every refugee family, and put an end to homelessness and world hunger while we're at it. I would welcome a Christmas without snow if it meant the sick and suffering could find healing and comfort. If cruelty, blame, and hatred disappeared forever. If war were banished from Mother Earth for all eternity.

Of course, I would gladly settle for a lot less than that. I would trade in a white Christmas if it meant  that someone who has lost hope could experience healing. If someone who is lonely could enjoy companionship for the day. If a homeless family were provided with shelter, warmth, and a good meal. 

If one life was spared because the snow didn't fall, I would rejoice...because the things I want for Christmas aren't really things at all.

"The most important things in life

aren't things."

~Anthony J. D'Angelo~

I wish everyone could be happy at Christmastime. That everyone had hope. That everyone was at peace. It's hard to know what to do for those who aren't. What good are presents when pain is the problem?

When this happens, I am left to reflect on what I think would be helpful to me if the tables were turned:

If I were sick, if I were the one receiving chemo, or struggling against pain, I would want a friend at my bedside.



Don't bring me presents. Don't bother with fuzzy pink slippers or flowers or food...unless, of course, it makes you happy...in which case, bring it on! Even though it's your presence I need.

If I were grieving the loss of a loved one--a parent, or one of my children, or my best friend--I would want you to sit at the kitchen table with me and share stories--the sweet, funny, poignant moments that we enjoyed with them. I'll brew the tea. You bring the cookies.

"Your story matters

more than you can know."

~S.A.D. Australia~

If my house turned to rubble in a storm, or I lost my job, or my marriage went south, I would need you to hold me up, to cheer me on, to shelter me if it came to that. Don't say, "Call me if you need anything." I would need everything and I wouldn't have the strength to pick up the phone and ask for it. Just come. Sit. Stay.

~www.weheartit.com

  

One of the best presents we can give is exactly that--our presence. Our halting, not-sure-what-to-do-or-say presence. Our I'll-be-here-for-you-no-matter-what friendship. Our I-wish-I-could-do-more-for-you selves. Tied with a bow.

If Christmas with your family is happy, loving, and peaceful, I wish you a merry one.

If not, I wish you hope. Strength. Friendship. Beauty. Time. Snow if you like it…sunshine if you don’t.

One thing I've learned about this time of the year is this:

"Always be prepared for something
amazing to happen."
~Melanie Perkins~

jan

the lost art of hunkering down

 

Today would have been a perfect day to hunker down against the massive winter storm that has been working its way across the country for the past couple of days...except it never got here. In keeping with the current trend in climate change, it fizzled out somewhere over Tennesee, leaving behind a path of destruction and heartbreak instead of fluffy white snow. We got a little rain.

I wish...

The art of hunkering is something I learned as a child growing up in the snow belt south of Buffalo. In fact, my hometown made the news last week because of the heavy bands of snow that blew in off Lake Erie and blanketed the area. In the good olde days, when 30 inch snow falls and temperatures in the -25 degree range were commonplace, we learned to hunker down for weeks at a time. We laid in supplies and food. Dusted off the snow shovels. Ordered in extra coal for the furnace. Often we were stranded for days on end because the plows couldn't get through.

"I wonder if the snow

loves the fields and trees,

that it kisses them so gently."

~Lewis Carroll~

So...hunkering down is easy for me. It brings back happy memories of a warm, cozy house and a welcoming kitchen, evenings spent reading or playing Scrabble, and heavy kettles of homemade soup.

Not that we spent much of our time indoors as children. Bad weather never kept us inside. We built snow forts and tunnels. We filled the yard with snow angels. We struggled through the drifts hauling sleds up the hill. We tested the ice on the creek. There is nothing quite as sweet as hunkering down for bad weather and then going out in it...

...because it sets you up to enjoy it as an adult.

Today I filled the bird feeders and counted three deer and a couple of gray foxes in the woods out back. I mailed Christmas cards and sent off a couple of packages. I finished decorating inside and out. I started "Searching for Stars on an Island in Maine" by author and theoretical physicist Alan Lightman, and, as well, a book of poetry by Mary Oliver.

"The snow began here this morning

and all day continued,

its white rhetoric everywhere

calling us back to

why, how, whence such beauty,

and what the meaning."

~Mary Oliver~

I would have preferred hunkering down for a good old-fashioned snow storm, but we didn't get one. 

The point is this:

 

If you write, you need to be able to hunker down with it. For me, this means stocking up on coffee, good red wine, and dark chocolate. It means turning a blind eye to the dust bunnies when they take over the house, and it involves letting the laundry pile up. It may require missing lunch with friends and backing off at the gym. It definitely means long hours of solitude punctuated with frustration, impatience, and insecurity...long hours of reading and writing in silence. Long hours of peace and quiet.

"I pray this week

be gentle and kind,

a season of rest from

the wheel of the mind."

~John Geddes~



...which is why I'm glad I know how to hunker properly. I'm working on a book.

 

Do you have a routine you follow to prepare for bad weather? Do you enjoy your solitude? How do you get ready to start a new project?

"So you see, imagination needs moodling--

long, inefficient, happy idling, dawdling,

and puttering."

~Brenda Ueland~



Hunkering and moodling. Good stuff.

jan

the willing suspension of disbelief

 

If you enjoy reading fiction, you know how careful the author must be to include details that make the story believable. He has to create realistic characters. He has to build a world that you, as the reader, can visualize and understand. What happens there must be consistent and plausible given the story line. Even so, he may be asking you to suspend disbelief...to accept the fact that dinosaurs can coexist with astronauts, for example, or that extinct creatures can come back to life, or that his hero's superpower is mental telepathy.

"A piece of writing has to seduce the reader.

It has to suspend disbelief and

earn the reader's trust."

~ Po Bronson~

On the other hand, nonfiction writers need to focus on the facts and communicate them with accuracy and clarity. Interestingly, this may also require the reader to suspend disbelief, especially if the writer is presenting new discoveries that challenge the old...for example, recent observations and speculation about the immensity and complexity of the cosmos. How viruses mutate. How we can hear a multiplicity of sounds, including each one's volume and pitch, how we discern harmony and melody, and how they can evoke emotion or change your mood...all at the same time. Beautiful music. An approaching storm. A childhood lullaby. When you pause to think about it, it's hard to imagine. In fact, it's hard to believe much of what we are learning about how the human body functions. And how it heals.

Advances in modern medical technology have made it possible for us to observe and to understand, for the first time, how the human body takes care of itself. How it fights off infection. How a bruise just fades away. How a broken bone heals. The fact that a patient recovers after a heart attack or a stroke is enough to challenge anyone's concept of reality. Still, that's the easy part.

"The body is a remarkable mystery, 

capable of untold feats 

of self-preservation and healing."

~J. Upledger~

Every day we learn more about how the body sustains and heals itself without any conscious awareness, attention, or effort on our part. Meaning that much of what the body does to keep itself healthy, and much of what it takes to heal, is under subconscious control.

We have long recognized the "placebo effect." This is observed when, unbeknownst to the patient, he is "prescribed" a sugar pill by his physician, but he recovers just as he would had he been given s proven drug. This is believed to happen because the patient trusts his doctor, and he believes he is getting a real medication that is known to work for his condition. He expects to get better. In other words, healing depends on the patient's conscious beliefs about it.

"Your body's ability to heal is greater

than anyone has permitted you to believe."

~Attribution unknown~

And then there's this: Diabetes has subsided and skin lesions have disappeared under hypnosis, suggesting there is an unconscious component to healing. This has been shown to correlate with the patient's belief that healing is occurring because of the hypnotic suggestion that it is. Just the thought of it.

And this: Patients with Multiple Personality Disorder have been observed to change not only their voices and mannerisms as they morph into different personalities, but to change their eye color as well. Scars observed in one personality can disappear as another personality emerges. This is accompanied by changes in their EEG, suggesting that the mind is intrinsically involved in the transformations that are observed.

We don't yet know how that happens, but in medicine, as in writing, it requires the willing suspension of disbelief to even imagine it.

"It is now life and not art

that requires the willing suspension

of disbelief."

~Po Bronson~

jan

trust me...you have a story to tell

The importance of storytelling in medicine cannot be overstated. Every clinical encounter begins with the history, or story, of the patient's illness. If you are a healthcare provider or a therapist in any field, or if you're the patient, or if you're the caretaker for someone who is hurting, you are a haven for the untold narratives no one invites us to tell. Trust me, you have a story to tell. 

This is your invitation. Please, tell us your story.

Here are ten sure signs you’re resisting the urge share what you worry about, or wonder about, or fear when, instead, you could begin healing:

•       People keep telling you, “You really should write a book…” because of all you have endured and overcome, or because of your special expertise, exceptional courage, or unique perspective. But you haven’t started yet.
• ·    You tell yourself, “I’m not a writer,” even though there’s a story chiseling a hole in your heart. Maybe it caused such sorrow, or anger, or regret you can’t bear to revisit it. Or perhaps it brought such a welcome sense of relief, or gratitude, or inspiration you can’t imagine how you would put it into words. Still, you should try.
•       You insist, “I wouldn’t know where to begin,” even though you’ve been over the details in your mind a thousand times. Or more.
• ·     You actually believe that your story is so ordinary, so inconsequential, it isn’t worth the effort it would take to tell it. You convince yourself you have nothing meaningful to say, nothing new to add, nothing helpful to share. But you do. 
• ·     You like to write, but you tell yourself you’re not good at it. Spelling, grammar, and punctuation trip you up. Nothing you get on the page seems to come out right. You forget that's what revision is for. That's why we have friends, mentors, and editors.
• ·     You think you’re too busy. You’re not.
• ·     You’re afraid you’ll offend someone if you tell the truth…if you write about the surgeon who botched your surgery, or the uncle who abused you as a child, or the colleague you don’t trust. As Anne Lamott puts it:

"If people wanted you to write

warmly about them,

they should've behaved better."

~Anne Lamott~             

• ·    As a patient, you’re so sick you feel like giving up. If you’re a provider or a caretaker, you sometimes feel like quitting. Tell us why.
• ·    You harbor questions you can’t answer, doubts that won’t go away, pain that nothing can heal. All festering out of sight, even though relief is just a blank page away.
• ·    You tend to ignore opening lines that come to you when you’re driving to work, or you dismiss memories that sneak up on you while you’re mowing the lawn, or you silence snatches of dialogue that come to you in the middle of the night. Meaning, your story is begging you to get started. To, please, get started.

If, up to this point, you haven’t written about your personal experience with illness or injury, you should probably consider starting small. Not with your open-heart surgery or your son's traumatic brain injury, but the time you twisted your ankle in the backyard or sliced your finger with the kitchen knife. You remember it, right? How much it hurt. How you had to call off sick that day and trek over to the Emergency Room for an Xray or stitches.

You were probably worried about missing work. You dreaded seeing your bill. You berated yourself for having been so careless, or lazy, or stupid (not that lack of intelligence had anything to do with it). You apologized profusely for inconveniencing your family and coworkers. Perhaps you missed your child’s soccer game or dance recital that day. You felt so helpless. You swore you’d never let it happen again.

The severity of the injury wasn’t the issue. The trouble started when you surrendered to anxiety, frustration, and anger. You blamed yourself and went on to punish yourself for it. You sent discouraging and judgmental messages to your body when it was doing its best to heal…

…which, if you had been paying attention, would have amazed you. While you were ranting about how stupid and careless you were, your blood stream rushed coagulation factors to the site of your cut and stopped the bleeding. Fibroblasts made their way to the ligaments in your ankle and went to work repairing them. Naturally occurring chemicals flooded your system to reduce the pain.

Instead of chastising yourself, you could have been cheering yourself on. You might have rested instead of pushing yourself to carry on as usual despite the pain. You could have redirected the energy you squandered on self-reproach, bitterness, and embarrassment to self-care and self-acceptance. You could have acted as an advocate for your own healing, if only you had known you had the ability and the power to do it.

"Your body's ability to heal

is greater than anyone has permitted

you to believe."

~Attribution unknown~

If, as many of us now believe, you can participate in your own healing, or hamper it, imagine the role attitude, intention, optimism, and hope play in healing after a heart attack, a disabling injury, even a bout of severe depression. Imagine loving and tending to the needs of your broken body. Your ailing spirits. Your elusive dreams.

Now, imagine helping someone else heal.

"Healing yourself is connected 

with healing others."

~Yoko Ono~

jan

hocus-pocus and the role of snake oil in healing

 

Ever since I retired from the practice of traditional Western medicine, I have enjoyed exploring a host of "alternative" or "complementary" healing practices that I was taught were about as effective as snake oil as far as healing was concerned. Hocus-pocus. But I've seen them work, so I'm curious about them. My interest in these practices dates back to my experience with hypnosis in the 1970s, thanks to the work of people like Milton Erickson, widely acclaimed to be the father of modern hypnotherapy.

True story:

I was a third year medical student on my orthopedic rotation, shadowing the orthopedic resident who was on call for the weekend, when we were paged to the Emergency Room to see a woman who had slipped on the ice in her driveway and dislocated her elbow. This is a painful injury, and it usually requires sedation and strong pain medication or light anesthesia before the injured joint can be safely realigned and immobilized.

The resident I was with that night had a reputation among his colleagues as something of a maverick. He'd orchestrated his own inguinal hernia repair under self-hypnosis when he was an intern...no anesthesia needed, thank you very much...and he was known for offering hypnosis to his patients in lieu of anesthesia for certain procedures, as well. 

This was back in the 1970s when alternative approaches to healing were met with derision and even mockery by traditionally trained physicians like myself. So I was a little skeptical when the resident I was with that night offered to hypnotize the woman with the injured elbow, and she readily agreed. 

He simply instructed her to direct her gaze upward while she slowly closed her eyes and counted backwards from ten. Ten. Nine. Eight...and she was out. He relocated her elbow, wrapped it, and asked her to open her eyes. She walked out a happy woman.

I was sold. So sold, in fact, I went on to study self-hypnosis, and I eventually underwent a surgical procedure without sedation or anesthesia myself. Afterwards, I walked out of the OR and took myself  out for lunch. So I know it works...

It didn't take a huge leap of faith to move from hypnosis into a meditation practice, and from there to consciousness studies, and from there, to energy practices. All of which are considered to be nonsense in the "real" health care community where I practiced traditional Western medicine for thirty years.

"The only thing that interferes

 with my learning is my education."

~Albert Einstein~

Most mainstream medical providers deny or dismiss the validity of energy medicine...practices that are believed to free up and move internal energy. Not everyone believes that focused attention or consciousness can redirect or release energy in the body, and that this can lead to healing. But many people do believe in it. They dedicate their lives to it. They train for years. They include practitioners of therapeutic touch and Reiki, sound healers, color therapists, crystal healers, chakra and aura healers, faith healers and shamans, acupuncturists, Ayurvedic healers, yogis and Qigong healers, among many others...

"You matter...

unless you multiply yourself by

the speed of light squared.

Then you energy."

~unknown~

...which intrigues me. Not only how energy medicine works...but the fact that it works at all. And the fact that so few health care providers are aware of these techniques...or curious about them...or receptive to them, because they don't believe in them. 

"We could all use

a little more magic in our lives..."

~Steffi Black~

~Mindful guide, coach, and qigong practitioner~

 

This week I came across another practice I had never heard of. I'm curious about it, too. "Pain Reprocessing Therapy" (PRT) offers relief of chronic pain without medication, manipulation, or surgery. It has proven very effective in relieving intractable low back pain, the commonest condition that drives patients to pain management specialists. This is a mind-body practice that is based on the presumption that pain persists after an injury heals because pain circuits misfire. PRT rewires these circuits through a system of psychological techniques. It has a lot to do with mindfulness. This is the book:

The prevailing bias against these practices and techniques arises out of the usual arguments citing the placebo effect. It denies the subjective influence of the healer's presence, touch, consciousness, empathy, connection, and open heart, all of which have been shown to promote healing. It ignores the fact that the therapeutic efficacy of many traditional Western medicines and practices also depend upon the placebo effect. They work because the patient expects them to work. Because the patient believes they work. Their efficacy also depends upon the interaction between the patient and the health care provider, including his attentiveness, ability to communicate, and to instill trust and hope.

"The placebo effect is scientific proof

that we have the ability

to heal ourselves."

~Dr. Kelly Brogan~

Health care is based upon science. Upon research. Upon observational studies and outcome statistics. If you are a health care provider, or if you see one, you trust medical science. You have studied it, or observed it, or experienced healing because of it. You are also aware of its shortcomings.

Many traditionally trained physicians reject the role and efficacy of alternate approaches to healing, among them energy medicine, because they haven't studied them or tried them. This is blatantly unscientific. The true scientist is curious about things he doesn't understand. He makes an effort to learn about them. He tests them out. He tries them for himself.

As health care providers and consumers, instead of rejecting outright what we don't believe in, or understand, or trust, we should explore, observe, and evaluate for ourselves. Who knows what we might learn that will help us heal others...and ourselves.

"Skepticism is the first step 

towards the truth."

~Denis Diderot~

and...

"Truth is the basis 

of all healing."

~Barbara Schmidt~

jan

no mud, no lotus

If you are a healthcare provider in any field, or the caretaker for someone you love, you are well aware of the duality that permeates every aspect of reality...the coexistence and contradiction between joy and sorrow, between kindness and cruelty, between life and death. We feel this deeply every day in our work, but never more acutely than with the approach of the holidays. 

If you are writing about your experience, you may feel the push and pull of duality in your narrative.

First there's the story you have pictured in your mind...and then, there's the process of translating it into words on a page. It can take you from soaring with enthusiasm to slogging through the muck. You may find yourself stuck.

"No mud, no lotus."

~Thich Nhat Hanh~



Inspiration wanes, fatigue sets in, and the story line languishes. Self-doubt creeps in. And, even though the end is in sight, like a desert mirage, it fades away the closer you get to it.

"What makes the desert beautiful

is that somewhere it hides a well."

~Antoine De Saint-Exupery~



This is a lonely place for writers. Your manuscript isn't polished yet so no one else has seen it or commented on it. Therefore, you don't get to enjoy the inspiration that comes with an exchange of ideas, weighing in on suggestions from writing partners. You need a fresh infusion of incentive, like the energy that emerges when composing a query letter or submitting to an editor or agent. But, you're not there yet. This is just hard, lonely work, day after day.



How do you cope with it? 

Sometimes I'll take a little time out to dash off a piece of flash fiction, a short essay, or, like today, a blog post. It's like indulging in a little snack when you can't wait for supper.

 

Sometimes I have to tear myself away from the keyboard and polish off a few necessary chores before I can concentrate again. For example, when there's no food in the house, or I run out of clean underwear. I mean, priorities do change. Writing sometimes has to wait, especially at this time of the year. There are the holidays to plan for...gifts to wrap, baking and decorating to do. Storytelling may have to take a back seat for a while.

What can you do in the meantime?



When I'm stuck for an idea or unsure how to put one into words, I'll pick a random passage to edit and revise, backtracking a bit until I'm sure I'm on the right path again.

"Real writing begins with rewriting."

~James A. Michener~



It also helps to read something by another author on a similar topic. A couple of my go-to favorites are:

"Memoir as Medicine" by Nancy Slonim Aronie

and

"Still Writing" by Dani Shapiro

Just the process of reading beautiful writing invites the mind to get in on the action. 

Do you ever get bogged down in the middle of a project? What do you do to recharge? To move ahead? How do you get it all done?

"Many of life's failures

 are people who did not realize

how close they were to success

when they gave up."

~Thomas A Edison~

jan

the bravest thing

What is the bravest thing you've ever done?

If you're a healthcare provider, courage is sometimes required just to get through the day. Emergencies arise. People depend on you. Your knowledge and expertise may make the difference between life and death for your patient. More than a couple of times, I've pulled over at the scene of an accident before an ambulance could be summoned. I've performed CPR in the front seat of a patient's pick-up when he went into cardiac arrest before he could get into my office. I've ventilated a newborn premie in the back of an ambulance for three hours on the way to the hospital.

"Be brave my heart.

Have courage my soul."

~www.weheartit.com~

Friends comment about the courage it must have taken to run a makeshift clinic in the African bush for a week without electricity or running water. To make a house call in the middle of the night to a patient with a loaded rifle next to his bed. To take a drill to a patient's skull.

The thing is, that kind of thing didn't require courage, the way I see it. It was all part of my job. I trained for years to handle situations like these. It didn't take bravery, as much as practice and resolve. You don't think of yourself as a hero or a god when you're just doing the job you pledged to do.

"Courage is grace under pressure."

~Ernest Hemingway~

Still...the work of the healer can be scary. Problems arise that you can't anticipate or prepare for. That's when courage kicks in. When you're asked to sign the DNR order for a patient you can't save. When you have to confront a colleague about a mistake he made. When the mother dies during childbirth, but the baby survives. 

It is the difficult conversation, the tough confrontation, the tragic loss that uncover real courage.

"Courage is found in

unlikely places."

~J.R.R. Tolkien~

So, what is the bravest thing you've done? Have you comforted a sobbing child? Rescued a puppy? Forgiven an enemy?

Each of us is summoned differently. Where do we find the courage?

"You never know how strong you are

until being strong is the only choice you have."

~Bob Marley~

jan

self care

 

The issue of self-care came up for me several times this past week.

First, there was a writing prompt that asked:

"What is your self-care practice?"

This was a multiple choice question. The answers included: journaling, mindful movement (such as yoga or qigong), meditation, listening to music or podcasts, and reading. I chose meditation because I practice daily, and it helps keep me steady and strong, calm and compassionate. But later, on a path through the woods, I realized that walking is my go-to self-care practice. Walking in the woods, or near a stream, or by the lake. In the mountains. On the beach. Walking is a mindful and meditative practice for me. I like to think it helps keep me healthy. That it strengthens my bones. That it keeps my mind active and engaged. It promotes physical, mental, emotional, and even spiritual well-being.

"Walk as if you are kissing the Earth

with your feet."

~Thich Nhat Hanh~

In her book, "Welcoming the Unwelcome," Pema Chodron phrases it a little differently. She asks:

"When things are really tough--like you're scared, you're lonely, you're angry, 

everything's falling apart, during difficult times--

in what do you take refuge?"

Do you try to avoid the situation, or distract or comfort yourself by streaming Netflix, by overeating, or by turning to alcohol or drugs? To gambling? To sex? Do you make up stories that justify your anger, or jealousy, or disappointment? Do you dwell in self-pity? Blame? This is not self-care at all.

"Be good to yourself.

If you don't take care of your body

where will you live?"

~Kobi Yamada~

Self-care came up again when I was talking with a colleague who has been struggling with depression. Not sleeping well. Not eating well. I posed this question:

"If you had a patient who was struggling the way you are,

how would you care for him?"

He responded by saying he would prescribe an antidepressant, and something for sleep, and he would recommend therapy. Meaning, he would take good care of his patient, but he wasn't seeking the same good care for himself. 

Do you take care of yourself? Do you believe in extreme self-sacrifice such as foregoing meals, exercise, or sleep in order to do your job? Do you suffer in silence? Do you have trouble concentrating, or making decisions? Are you in pain?

Self-care is a reflection of self-love, and self-respect. It is gentle, patient, and compassionate. If you wonder how to practice self-care, think about caring for a new puppy or a newborn baby. Then show yourself the same attention, concern, kindness, and joy. You'll feel better, and you'll be healthier, too. 

"Whatever is good for your soul,

do that."

~author unknown~

jan

the willing suspension of disbelief

 

The word "disbelief" has taken on new meaning for me.

"It is now life and not art

that requires the willing suspension

of disbelief."

~Lionel Trilling~

I used to associate disbelief with wonder and awe, with brilliance or great beauty. It meant I had come upon something beyond my wildest imagination, or ability, or awareness. A book, or a work of art, or a piece of beautiful music, perhaps. I wanted to know who created it. Who wrote it, or composed it, or painted it? Always prompting a surge of envy.

For example, I nearly abandoned my desire to write in retirement when I read "Talk Before Sleep" by Elizabeth Berg, the story of a dying woman and the friends who kept vigil at her bedside, written with wisdom and humor. 

I envied the author. I ached to be able to write that well, but I didn't believe it was possible. It shut me down until the thought occurred to me, "If others can write well, I should at least give it a try." With that, I beat back my own disbelief, and I got to work.

Natural beauty is another source of wonder-struck disbelief for me...

"Keep close to nature...

Wash your spirit clean."

~John Muir~

Yosemite

...as is music, with chord progressions, harmonics, and orchestration that would never come to me. Heart-aching, spirit-lifting, soul-soothing sounds of wonder and awe that inspire reverent disbelief.

What are some of the things that bring you to amazement and admiration? To disbelief?

"Suspend, for a moment, your disbelief 

and encounter once again

the sense of wonder you knew

when there was...magic!"

~Andrew Lord~

Now-a-days, unfortunately, disbelief has a more ominous edge. 

It brings to mind the growing horrors of war in Ukraine and in the Middle East. Who thought we would ever witness such violence against children, women, and the elderly? Such cruelty. Such suffering. 

Unbelievable.

Who thought our democracy was in jeopardy when we believed it was infallible? Who hasn't greeted the deception, lies, and arrogance of our leaders with utter disbelief. 

"Truth will always be truth

regardless of lack of

understanding, disbelief, or ignorance."

~W. Clement Stone~

Disbelief can be the harbinger of beauty, wonder, and delight...or it can tether us to fear, deceit, and rancor. The willing suspension of disbelief can lead to a whole new perspective on life as we understand it. It invites us to embrace what is real and true.

"You have to let it all go...

fear, doubt, and disbelief.

Free your mind."

~The Matrix~

jan