why stories go untold

 

When we refer to the healing power of storytelling, what do we mean? Is there anything to it? How does it work? What happens between us when we share our personal stories, and why is it important that we do?

This interests me because I’m a family physician. I practiced medicine for over thirty years…until I retired because my other passion in life is writing…and, you know, sometimes you have to make tough choices.

Plus…I had a story in me that I really wanted to tell. 

"Tell your story

with your whole heart."

~Brene Brown~

The point is that we ALL have a story to tell, but most of us ever get around to sharing it. Instead, we make up excuses. We tell ourselves we don’t have time to write. We don’t know where to begin, or how to put it into words. We tell ourselves that what we have to say isn’t important. That no one will care. Sometimes shame silences us. We blame ourselves for what happened to us. We have been conditioned to keep secrets. It’s too painful, or sad, or maddening to put into words.

 "You'd be surprised

what lengths people will go to
not to face what's real and painful inside them."
~attribution unknown~

So…our stories go untold…and as such, I’m telling you…they wreak havoc on our bodies. The anger we keep bottled up, the sorrow we can't express, the shame we keep under lock and key all take a toll on us. They increase levels of stress hormones and inflammatory chemicals in our bodies that raise the heart rate, elevate BP, and raise blood sugar levels. This can lead to all kinds of problems in adulthood--hypertension, heart disease, diabetes, and autoimmune problems like lupus and RA. Not to mention anxiety and depression.

There is, in fact, some science to support the idea that telling our stories can help us heal. We know that storytelling can lower levels of inflammatory hormones in the body, because we can measure them. In studies where subjects were asked to write about a traumatic episode they experienced vs a neutral topic like the weather or a favorite food…heart rate, BP, and sugar levels fell in the first group as compared to the neutral group. In another study, participants underwent a small skin biopsy. They were then assigned to write about a traumatic episode or a neutral topic. The open wounds healed faster in the cohort that wrote about trauma.

When the listener is engaged with the story the teller is sharing, functional MRI scans of their brains demonstrate synchronization in electrical activity between the storyteller and listener. EEGs demonstrate the ways their brain waves change. 

Think of it. If we had a pill that could lower our blood pressure, control our blood sugar levels, and elevate our mood, we would all be buying stock in that company. So…why not invest in storytelling?

"Because right now
there is someone out there 
with a wound in the exact shape of your words."
~Sean Thomas Dougherty~

Unless we explore the anger, or despair, or confusion that is at the root of our pain, nothing anyone says or does will touch the cause of suffering. All the medication in the world will not solve the problem.

The point is that telling our stories affects us in ways we can actually measure and observe. When you give your story a title, describe how it unfolded, and name the characters that populate it, you may begin to understand why it still disturbs your peace so many years later. If someone you trust is listening, you may come away with an entirely fresh perspective on it. You may finally be able to forgive yourself or the person who hurt you. You may be able to cast aside some of the things you’ve always imagined were wrong with you, but never were. Your BP and sugar levels may come down. Anxiety and depression may improve. All pathways to healing.

As a physician, I listened to patients’ stories all day long. The history, or story, of the present illness. The past medical history, or story. The patient’s family history, or story. But that was back in the days when I could scan my schedule for the day and envision every patient, I knew them that well. With a quick glance at the schedule, I knew who was getting ready to start chemo, who had just welcomed their first grandchild into the world, whose mother was recently transferred to the dementia unit. I knew because I had asked about it, the patient told me the story, and I made a note of it in the chart.

Nowadays, rather than dictating a note about the clinical encounter (a.k.a. narrating the patient’s story), you open an electronic medical record (EMR) that presents you with a confusing array of bulleted items, complicated charts, and abbreviated details. You can easily pick out a list of symptoms that were problematic at the patient’s last visit, when they started, how often they occurred, and how long they lasted. You know what tests you ordered and how you treated him, but you might not remember anything else about the patient because nothing else is recorded there. He looks like any other older patient with diabetes, or heart failure, or COPD…because you missed the fact that he’s a decorated Vietnam veteran. You can’t understand why your pregnant patient is so anxious because you failed to ask about her sister who had three miscarriages in a row. You don’t know because you didn’t get that part of the story. 

"The most important part of a story
is the piece of it you don't know."
~Barbara Kingsolver~

If you’re a healthcare provider, it’s easy to understand how missing details can make it hard to come up with the right diagnosis. You miss the fact that your patient’s headaches started the day she discovered the cigarette burn on the sleeve of the sweater her ten-year old wore to school that day. You have no way of knowing that the patient’s heartburn and indigestion have been a problem because of the pile of unpaid bills that are collecting on the kitchen counter. Or that your patient has insomnia because he is headed for divorce...

…unless, of course, you ask about it.

"There isn't
a stronger connection between people
than storytelling."
~Jimmy Neil Smith~

Sharing our stories helps us heal. It is built into healthcare. It can’t be ignored. The stories we share in the back of an ambulance, or in the examination room, or at the bedside describe who we are. They help us process what happens to us. They embody our unspoken fears, our deepest sorrows, and our greatest regrets…

…which is why we don’t tell them. It’s hard to put them into words.

 It took me fifty years to get mine down.

 Now is your chance to get started on yours.

"Write about what disturbs you, what you fear,
what you have not been willing
to speak about.
Be willing to be split open."
~Natalie Goldberg~

 jan