look for the helpers

Something changed for me this week. I downshifted from disbelief, frustration, even outrage, to sadness, a deep penetrating sense of helplessness and despair. Covid-19 hit a little too close to home.

One of the nurses I worked with for many years got sick...reminding me that most of my colleagues and friends are at high risk because of their age, or if they're still young enough to be working, because they are exposed to the virus every day. Without adequate PPE.

A friend who has diabetes, end-stage liver disease, and worsening heart failure was denied hospitalization because the risk of exposure to Covid-19 was too great, a certain death sentence.

A distant relative who lived in Italy took his own life this week for reasons we can only imagine.

My daughter's obstetrician recommended an elective induction next week so as to get her in and out of the hospital before the case load peaks where she lives...and before her husband is banned from the delivery room. Not to mention that today is her birthday.

My grandson missed his fifth birthday party today, too...

which is no big deal considering the incomprehensible toll the pandemic has taken on patients and their loved ones, on health care workers and first responders, on teachers and parents and the children they care for all around the world. Still...

"It is both a blessing and a curse 

to feel everything so very deeply."

~David Jones~

And then there's this. I'm used to being on the care-giving side of the equation...not on the receiving end. The thought that I would put someone at risk delivering my groceries, or running an errand for me, or, God forbid, taking care of me if I get sick...the thought of it worries me. It scares me. It saddens me. And, it leaves me feeling guilty...not being able to help, not being able to do my part with the skills I possess.

Instead, I've called all my closest family members and friends this week to check in on them. I've created get well cards and birthday cards, printed them out, and mailed them off without venturing into a store, or settling for e-cards (well, maybe one or two...). Why I've sat in mindful meditation for hours, launching loving kindness into the universe. You do what you can.

"Do what you can,

with what you have,

where you are."

~Theodore Roosevelt~

How is it going for you? Who and what are you caring for today? Remember to be kind and gentle with yourself, too. 

"When I was a boy

and I would see

scary things in the news,

my mother would say to me, 

'Look for the helpers.

You will always find people 

who are helping.'"

~Fred Rogers~

jan

how to acknowledge reality and still spread compassion

When the Covid-19 pandemic is just a memory, those of us who survive will all have stories to tell. They will include tales of fear, isolation, and sorrow. Some will recall moments of relief, laughter, and kindness. Most will never be told.

"O, what an untold world

there is in one human heart."

~Harriet Beecher Stowe~

It isn't too early to start sharing our stories. We all want to know how other people are coping with the crisis, what precautions they're taking to prevent the spread of the disease, how they're faring financially, how the homeschooling is going, where they're finding supplies. The list goes on...

But there is more to it than that.

As a physician, I would like to hear from people who have gotten sick, and from their caretakers. Were they at high risk? Did they smoke or vape? Did they have asthma, or emphysema? Were they diabetic, or immuno-compromised, or frail? Alcoholic? Homeless? Did they follow all the guidelines for preventing illness, or were they careless, or defiant? 

"Nothing ever goes away until

it teaches us what we need to know."

~Pema Chodron~

In other words, I want to know what sets me apart from them. I want to believe I'm less susceptible because I'm healthier, or younger, or more compliant with preventive measures. 

I want to know how they felt when they first got sick. What finally made them call the doctor, or go to the Emergency Room. I want to know how scared they are, or how depressed. How they're dealing with being separated from family and friends. What it must be like to miss a loved one's funeral. To postpone your wedding. To run out of money. 

Stories like these help the rest of us to monitor our own response to this crisis, to adjust our expectations, and confront our mistakes and misconceptions. To acknowledge reality. To spread compassion.

"Every one has a story to tell 

that will break your heart.

And, if you're really paying attention,

most people have a story 

that will bring you to your knees."

~Brene Brown~

Please don't underestimate the importance of telling YOUR story. Someone needs to hear it. Pick up the phone, or dash off an email. Put it out there on social media. Talk it over at dinner. When it comes to frustration, regret, fear, sorrow, and despair, we're all in this together. When what we need are courage, compassion, cooperation, patience, and surrender, it helps to be able to lean on one another. 

"It is both a blessing and a curse

to feel everything so very deeply."

~David Jones~

jan

pre-morbid reflections on Covid-19

I'm a physician, so I feel like I need to be out there with my colleagues caring for victims of the Covid-19 pandemic. There's one problem: I just became a card-carrying member of the Covid-19 High Risk Club, so I really can't.

Those of us who are in the high-risk category because of our age, an underlying medical condition, or the fact that we're immuno-suppressed are not necessarily more likely to pick up the virus than anyone else, but if we get it, we may not be able to mount an immune response to fight the infection. What might be a debilitating case of pneumonia to a young, healthy person can be fatal to someone who is immuno-compromised. And, in a worst case scenario, there simply are not enough ventilators to go around.

Remember that even though you may not be experiencing any symptoms...you may already have been exposed to the virus by someone else who appeared healthy, but may have transmitted it to you. Likewise, you can transmit it to the rest of us even though you still feel fine. "Sheltering in place" is probably the best course of action for all of us who can.

"Sometimes you just need to

lie on the couch

and read for a couple of years."

~hookedtobooks.com~

Trust me, it's not all that bad.

Remember all those jobs around the house you haven't had the time or energy to tackle? Now you have nothing but time and energy.

Remember that book you've always wanted to write, the poem that keeps running through your mind, the song you've been singing to yourself for so long, the picture you've been longing to paint? Now might be a good time to get started.

"Dancing, singing, storytelling, 

and silence

are the four universal

healing salves."

~Gabrielle Roth~

This is the perfect time to explore the gifts of meditation and yoga.

To get out and walk. Take your camera along.

To shoot some hoops with your kids, or prep your flower beds for spring. The possibilities are endless.

As for me, I'm hunkered down for the foreseeable future. That means I may have to miss the birth of my very first granddaughter...and my grandson's fifth birthday. I wish things didn't have to be this way, but...

~i2symbol.com

This is my wish for you:

May you be well.

May you be safe.

May you be happy.

May you dwell in peace

and loving kindness.

~jasrinsingh.com~

jan