you have a divine responsibility

 

I've been trying to practice a little self-care lately, not because things have been particularly tough on me but because they've been really hard for a few people I love. My brother, who has mild vascular dementia and has been losing ground recently, had a slight stroke. It wasn't too bad, but it was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. While he was still in rehab, his wife ended up in the ER with severe abdominal pain. Because they live far away, it has been hard for me to help them, leaving me worried for them and feeling frustrated. Sleepless. Helpless. It's exhausting. So, I decided to give myself a break, which meant transferring a few tasks to my procrastination bin, napping without feeling guilty about it, and getting together with a friend who always cheers me up.

The issue of self-care is important when stress is high, especially for caretakers (and empaths like me).

Fortuitously, this week I came across a writing prompt that asked:

"What is your self-care practice?"

It was a multiple-choice question. The answers included: journaling, mindful movement (such as yoga or qigong), meditation, listening to music or podcasts, and reading. I chose meditation because I practice daily, and it helps keep me steady and strong, calm and compassionate. But later, on a path through the woods, I realized that walking is another self-care practice of mine. Walking in the woods, or near a stream, or by the lake. In the mountains. On the beach. Walking is a mindful and meditative practice for me. I like to think it helps keep me healthy. That it strengthens my bones. That it keeps my mind active and engaged. It promotes physical, mental, emotional, and even spiritual well-being.

"Walk as if you are kissing the Earth

with your feet."

~Thich Nhat Hanh~

In her book, "Welcoming the Unwelcome," Pema Chodron phrases it a little differently. She asks:

"When things are really tough--like you're scared, you're lonely, you're angry, 

everything's falling apart, during difficult times--

in what do you take refuge?"

Do you try to avoid the situation, or distract or comfort yourself by streaming Netflix, by overeating, or by turning to alcohol or drugs? To gambling? To sex? Do you make up stories that justify your anger, or jealousy, or disappointment? Do you dwell in self-pity? Blame? This is not self-care at all.

"Be good to yourself.

If you don't take care of your body

where will you live?"

~Kobi Yamada~

Self-care came up again when I was talking with a colleague who has been struggling with depression. Not sleeping well. Not eating well. I posed this question:

"If you had a patient who was struggling the way you are,

how would you care for them?"

She responded by saying she would prescribe an antidepressant, and something for sleep, and she would recommend therapy. Meaning, she would take good care of her patient, even though she wasn't seeking the same good care for herself. 

Do you take care of yourself? Do you believe in extreme self-sacrifice such as foregoing meals, exercise, or sleep in order to do your job? Do you suffer in silence? Do you have trouble concentrating, or making decisions? Are you in pain?

Self-care is a reflection of self-love and self-respect.

"Self-care is a divine responsibility."

~multiple attributions~

It has to be gentle, patient, and compassionate. If you wonder how to practice self-care, think about caring for a new puppy or a newborn baby. Then show yourself the same attention, concern, kindness, and joy. You'll feel better, and you'll be healthier, too. 

"Whatever is good for your soul,

do that."

~author unknown~

jan