Three true stories involving three people I know:
Two of them are battling oppositional-defiant cancers whose treatment is as demoralizing as the diagnosis itself. The other one has ALS, and well...you know what that means. One of them hasn't posted anything online about the latest experimental protocol she is enrolled in, nor has she asked for prayers which she has been doing for years now. I take this to be a bad sign since she already has widely metastatic disease. The other hasn't started treatment yet so he has no idea what he is in for. The one with ALS wants it to be over, even though the end scares him.
"Death is nature's way of saying,
'Your table is ready.'"
~Robin Williams~
This is the hardest part of your work if you are a healthcare provider, or a caretaker, or simply a friend who is trying to support someone who is facing the end of life. You were hoping for a cure. You tried to provide comfort and encouragement. Your sense of failure, your helplessness, your own empathetic sorrow make this job hard.
Nevertheless, this may be the most important work you do.
"If you love someone,
the greatest gift you can give them
is your presence."
~Thich Nhat Hanh~
There is no one right way to do this. You can sit with them and simply breathe. You can revisit meaningful memories. Hold their hand. Play their favorite music. Tell them you love them. The list goes on. Thankfully help is available. There are ways you can prepare yourself, and you can help prepare the patient and his family for what lies ahead.
You can involve your local hospice organization who are experts in providing comfort and nursing support.
Check out "Five Wishes", a living will that documents the personal, emotional, and spiritual preferences of the patient and ensures his wishes are understood and embraced by his providers and caretakers:
Engage a certified "Death Doula" to accompany the patient and his family on their journey, not with nursing care but by their supportive and knowledgeable presence, especially when the family is having difficulty understanding what to expect and how to navigate it.
End of life care is something we should orchestrate to the best of our abilities. We should never surrender it to the patient's family and friends. To social services. To pastors and priests. It should be extended with the same expertise and attention we accord medical and/or surgical treatment. It is our sacred duty to the patient.
"Seeing death as the end of life
is like seeing the horizon as
the end of the ocean."
~Daniel Searls~
jan
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