the hardest thing

Healthcare providers are, by nature, driven by the desire to serve as helpers and caretakers, healers and comforters, empaths and sympathizers. Both on the job and off...

...which is why last week was so hard. There was a death in our family, a call to be present. An appeal for connection and support. An invitation that tested both spirit and belief.

Hundreds of people--family, friends, coworkers, and acquaintances--dropped everything in an effort to gather to "celebrate" (actually, to mourn) the life that had passed. They took time off from work, and made arrangements for childcare, travel, and accomodations. They ordered flowers, and delivered food. They knelt in prayer, or sat in meditation. They embraced one another and wept openly, or they mourned silently. They did all they could.

"Look for the helpers.

You will always find people

who are helping."

~Mr. Rogers~

Navigating grief is difficult, but it isn't the hardest thing we are called to do. When we arrive at the graveside, we are asked to check everything else at the gate...our expectations, our fears, our anger, all the sorrows we hold in our hearts. Disappointment. Shame. Guilt. Blame. We are asked to come with open arms and caring hearts.  

"Give me your past.

All your pain. All your anger. All your guilt.

Release it to me, and I will be a safe harbor

for the life you need to leave behind."

~Jewel E. Ann~

This may be hard...pretty much impossible for some of us...but it's not the hardest thing. You could be left out...as a friend, as an anchor, as a wellspring of comfort and consolation. Perhaps you couldn't get time off from work, or your flight was cancelled, or bad weather kept you away. You wanted to be there, but you couldn't.

Still, it could be even worse...

...if you simply cannot leave your own burdens behind. If you arrive weighed down with old resentments, disappointments, and misunderstandings. When you don't have the strength or desire to reach out. You arrive without flowers or food. You cannot manage a song or a prayer. 

When you are needed the most, you are helpless, and that is the hardest thing. 

"Grief does not change you...

It reveals you."

~John Green~

jan