when presence is power

 

This past week was difficult, not for me individually, but for people I know and love. It can be described in two words: helplessness, which is what I felt, and hopelessness, which was the rock bottom truth.

It started with someone close to my heart who took ill, and required hospitalization for both evaluation and treatment. It turns out the management part of the story will require long, complicated surgery. That happens tomorrow, followed by that treacherous period when we have to wait for results, and hope for healing, while trying to keep everyone's spirits up. The trouble is I can't be there. Not that I would have any role in his surgery, but I believe in the healing grace of presence. So, I feel totally helpless.

"When you love someone,

the best thing you can offer

is your presence."

~Thich Nhat Hanh~

Just as this scenario was unfolding, my friend's son was admitted to ICU with Covid pneumonia, complicated by a partial collapse of one lung. After a few bad days, he was placed on a ventilator, and a day after that, on ECMO (heart-lung bypass). I was out of town as things were going downhill for him, so again, I felt helpless. Not that I know anything about ECMO, but I do know how to lend the support, and offer the hope, and insist upon the optimism his family needed.

"At some point

you are going to want to give up.

Consider this a reminder:

don't you dare."

~Karen Salmansohn~

Then I received word that a friend's husband passed away over the weekend...while they were travelling out West with their two dogs in their brand-spanking new RV...leaving her alone somewhere in Texas to find her way home. Without him. Without hope. Which leaves those of us who love her fraught with worry and sorrow, unable to be there for her. Unable to help at all.

"Your presence is your power."

~Gabrielle Bernstein~

Not only my little speck of the world, but the entire planet appears to be blanketed with fear, pain, dread, and sorrow, as it has been for over a year now. It has frustrated us by making us feel helpless. It has discouraged us with loss of hope. 

At the same time it has generated compassion. It has made us strong. It has taught us what is precious and tender about this life we share. It has trained us to feel deeply.

"It is both a blessing

and a curse

to feel everything so very deeply."

~David Jones~

jan

let nature heal you

 

My hike in the woods this week was more about meditation than getting exercise. It was silent, and still, and peaceful out there. It slowed me down. I paused to meditate for a few minutes every so often. Finally, I just sat down and let everything else go.

"Sometimes you find yourself

in the middle of nowhere,

and sometimes in the middle of nowhere 

you find yourself."

~A Living Rock~

~Circe Sola~

I've been studying, and practicing one form of meditation or another for over fifty years. As far as I know, none of my friends or colleagues practices it, although I do know several women who practice various other forms of energy healing, including accupuncture, therapeutic touch, neurofeedback, hypnosis, and Reiki. Most traditional Western providers shun these techniques out of ignorance, or disdain, or denial. But I've seen them work for others...and they have worked for me, so I have an intuitive attraction to them. 

While there are many other forms of meditation, these are some I practice:  

• Insight meditation involves focusing the attention to let go of the cascade of thoughts that pass constantly through the mind. A basic training involves simply observing one's breath in order to achieve a state of calm, clarity, and detachment, letting go of thoughts as they arise.
• Mindfulness meditation teaches us to maintain moment-by-moment awareness of our thoughts and feelings without judgement, in order to see things as they are in the present moment rather than rehashing the past or projecting into the future. 
• Loving-kindness meditation is the practice of sending loving intention to yourself, to the people you love, to people you recognize but don't really know, and finally, to people who have offended you. It usually involves an invocation. Mine goes like this:

May you be happy

May you be healthy.

May you be safe.

May you dwell in peace and loving kindness.

My practice goes on to include all people, especially the suffering, to all animals including pets, to farm animals who die painful deaths so we can eat meat, to animals in the wild, to sea creatures, and from there to the environment. It takes about thirty minutes depending upon how detailed I get.

• Tonglen involves the mental process of taking on the suffering of another person with the in-breath, and sending them peace, comfort, and love on the out-breath, starting with people you love, moving to people who are neutral in your life, and ending with those who are hard for you to love.
• Mindfulness based stress reduction (MBSR) integrates yoga and mindfulness with science and Western medicine to reduce stress, anxiety, illness, and chronic pain.

"If meditation were a drug,

failure to prescribe it would

constitute medical malpractice."

~Robert Delozier, MD~

• ECO meditation ("energy ecology meditation") uses methods that retrain the brain to avoid defaulting to conditioned or learned patterns of reactivity that reinforce negative emotions such as anger, hatred, and fear. Instead, we learn to reframe our emotional reactions and behaviors to acceptance/tolerance, compassion, and loving-kindness. It utilizes Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) such as tapping accupressure end-points.
•  Guided imagery is another technique that can lead the meditator to a peaceful, loving emotional state.

"Of all the paths you take in life,

make sure a few of them are dirt."

~John Muir~

Meditation is a restorative practice, and mindfulness is its foundation. Among its numerous health benefits are stress reduction and the accompnying decrease in blood pressure and cortisol levels, reduction in measurements of systemic inflammation, and therefore, improvement in the immune system, alleviation of chronic pain, and management of PTSD.

If you are a health care provider, you should explore every option, every path to healing for your patients. If you are in need of healing, in addition to the surgery you need, or the chemotherapy or antidepressant you are taking, consider this:

"Go home to nature

and let nature heal you."

~Thich Nhat Hanh~

jan

what if you are called to be the storyteller

 

Happy Easter

I believe each of us has a story to tell that someone else needs to hear. It's just that some of us take longer to find our voice than others. It took me sixty years.

When I retired from the practice of medicine to take up the life of a writer, I never imagined it would put me at odds with my faith. In fact, I gave God full credit for the good fortune that made it possible--a comfortable income, a fulfilling career, and a love of language. I plunged into writing with a head full of stories and essays, as well as a couple of full-fledged novels...none of them having anything to do with faith.

After thirty years in patient care, I gladly embraced the days of solitude and silence that writing required. That is, until the day the interruptions began. People started to show up, uninvited, on my doorstep.

The first to arrive was Robin who was eighteen years old when her younger brother died in her arms after someone broadsided the car she was driving. Next, Pat showed up. She explained how her gifted son lost his mind to a senseless college prank. She wept when she told me how she discovered his body in the woods behind her house on Easter Day, six months after he wandered off in the middle of the night. Then Maria stopped by to tell me how she dropped her only child off at school one ordinary day, and never saw her again.

"Everyone has a story to tell
that will break your heart.
And, if you're really paying attention,

most people have story that

will bring you to your knees."

~Brene Brown~

Among the women who showed up were cancer survivors, widows, grieving mothers, and beleaguered caregivers--all of them heartbroken Christians who believed that faith in God was the one thing that got them through each day, despite what they'd been through. They didn't question God's plan for their lives. They didn't ask why he allowed them to suffer, where He was when they needed Him, or why He didn't answer their prayers. Instead, they clung to His promises like an anchor in a storm. It didn't take a miracle to convince them that God intended something better to rise out of the smoking ruins of their lives.

This didn't make sense to me. The contradictions between what I'd been taught to believe about a merciful and all-powerful God, and the defeats I witnessed in life, confused me. Too many times God was absent when I needed Him most, and prayer got me nowhere. I struggled with faith. I didn't think I could write about it. Truth be told, I didn't want to write about it.

"All you have to do is write

one true sentence.

Write the truest sentence you know."

~Ernest Hemingway~

But what is it they say? God works in mysterious ways. It started with an occasional nudge, then an impatient sigh, and finally a resounding command that dropped me to my knees.

"When," He roared, "are you going to write about me? About the people I invited into your life? About their faith, and what you learned from them?"

"I can't," I said. "It doesn't make sense to me."

"You must," He replied, when I think what He meant to say was, "Just wait. You will."

This went on for years. God coaxed me. I resisted. He encouraged me. I refused. The whole time, one by one, He brought people with broken hearts into my life until I finally figured out what He was trying to tell me. Until the vision finally formed. It emerged out of their stories of shared suffering and unshakable faith. It grew into a vision of courage and wisdom and hope.

"Write hard and clear

about what hurts."

~Ernest Hemingway~

I believe God gives each of us a story to tell that someone else needs to hear. If your own story is too painful, ask someone else to tell it for you. If you're the one who is called to be the storyteller, we are listening.

"Tell your story

with your whole heart."

~Brene Brown~

jan