how to summon the courage it takes

 

It takes great courage to write, to tether a fleeting thought long enough to translate it into words. To tap it out on a keyboard, or to get it down on paper.  As writers, we encounter opposition no matter what we attempt. 

"A writer is someone for whom

writing is more difficult 

than it is for other people."

~Thomas Mann~

We all have an  inner critic, a disparaging voice that insists we'll never find success as a writer. That we're not talented enough, or smart enough, or dedicated enough. That we're foolish, or selfish, or conceited for frittering our time away when we're capable of so much more. Feeding the poor. Sheltering the homeless. Or, in my case, healing the sick. 

As if our own misgivings weren’t bad enough, we may hear other voices. It might be the voice of a parent or partner imploring us to get serious, or ranting at us about earning a decent living or planning a secure future. It may be the voice of a teacher or boss or co-worker, all of them claiming to have our "best interests at heart" as they scatter disparagement along the path (as if the storyteller's journey wasn't difficult enough without them).

The thing that prevents us from writing might be as simple as a looming deadline at work, or a sick child at home, or an unexpected visit from a friend.

It could be fear masquerading as anger, or sorrow that feels like loneliness, or uncertainty that fuels our anxiety, all of them standing in our way, all of them armed and dangerous. These are our demons. The enemy. But it's all a hoax. They are just as scared, and angry, and confused as we are. 

 "If you hear a voice inside your head

that says, 'You can't paint,'

then, by all means, 

paint."

~Vincent van Gogh~

I have learned it's futile to argue with these demons. Not only do they lie, but they don't listen to reason. They're stubborn, and persistent. I tend to steer clear of confrontation, so instead of picking a fight today, I invited a few of them in for happy hour. It's  a strategy called, "Feeding your demons." I mean, who can resist good food?

I'm planning to serve a vintage red wine, not too dry, not too sweet, accompanied by a colorful charcuterie platter. This will be followed by some kind of gooey confection made with dark chocolate. We'll finish things off with fresh fruit to cleanse the palate. 

We'll chat about the weather. I'll listen to what they have to say about the sad state of the country right now, the pandemic, and the economy. Then, when they've said what they want to say, and they've been lulled into complacency, I'll start writing again.

Defeating your demons doesn't require stockpiling weapons. It isn't about raising your voice, or escaping to safety. You must silence the dispiriting voices that are carried on the wind, that shift like the tide, that take up space in your heart. 

And that takes courage.

"Raise your words,

not your voice.

It is rain that grows flowers,

not thunder."

~Rumi~

jan