why me? why this? why now?

 

 

Serious illness can strike hard and fast. It could be a sudden heart attack or stroke. A deadly infection. Cancer. Suddenly, patients have a lot to process. They want to understand what is happening to them, and why. What treatment is available. What their prognosis is. It's a lot to think about. After the initial shock wears off a bit, other issues surface. What if I can't work? What if I can't take care of my family? What if I don't get better? It can be downright scary.

 

"It may take a doctor

to diagnose someone's disease,

but it takes a friend to recognize

someone's suffering."

~quoteideas.com~

 

At some point in the process, most patients want to know three things:

 

Why me? Why this? Why now?

• Why me?

                     The answer to this question sometimes comes easily. You ended up with lung cancer because you've been smoking since you were twelve. Or maybe it was a heart attack because you enjoyed a high fat diet and refused to exercise. It makes sense that you would be the one. If you look hard enough you may be able to uncover the cause that explains why you were so unlucky. Maybe the cancer is encoded in your genes. Perhaps you lived near a toxic waste site. Maybe your the water you've been drinking to stay hydrated (in keeping with your doctor's advice) is polluted. When all reasoning fails, the existential answer is this: Why not you? What sets you apart from the rest of mankind and protects you from  the kind of unfathomable pain and suffering that strikes even innocent children? Why them?

 

 "The bad news:

there is no key to the universe.

The good news:

it was never locked."

~Swami Beyondamanda~



• Why this?

                      Why cancer? Why not a benign growth? Why a traumatic head injury? Why not a broken wrist? Why, of all things, SIDS, or a miscarriage, or an accidental overdose? Don't say, "Why not?" That doesn't answer a thing.

 

"A life can get knocked out of orbit

by a car crash, a lottery win, or

just a bleary-eyed consultant

giving bad news in a calm voice."

 ~David Mitchell~

 

• Why now?

                          Is there ever a good time to get bad news? Is there any way to prepare for it? If you could prepare yourself for it, would that make it any easier? Because we have no control over it, the question is better phrased, "What now? What's next?"

That's where the health care provider or therapist comes in. We can help the patient understand his diagnostic and treatment plan, and his prognosis. How he can help by taking care of himself. Why rest is important. Why nutrition is a concern. What kind of activity can be helpful.  

The patient's narrative doesn't end with his diagnosis. It's important to listen to his story all the way to the last chapter in order to understand why he isn't getting better, what he fears, who he can count on, what he needs...all of which affect his ability to heal.

"You are so brave and quiet,

I forget you are suffering."

~Ernest Hemingway~

 

jan