look for the helpers

Yes, I walked all the way up...

Mr. Roger's mother got it right when she reminded him to "look for the helpers" when he saw scary things happening around him.

"When I was a boy and

I would see scary things in the news,

my mother would say to me,

'Look for the helpers.

You will always find people who are helping.'"

~Fred Rogers~

Helpers are especially important when bad news arrives around the holidays...when illness strikes, a loved one dies, a neighbor's house goes up in flames, or depression takes its toll.

Who are these helpers? How will we recognize them? Here are five sure signs you're looking at a helper:

• Helpers meet trouble head on. Like deep winter snow, they go right out into it and plod through it just to help others through it, too.
• They ask existential questions. Why? Why do bad things happen to good people?  Why now, during the holidays? They confront the ultimate mystery: why not? Why are any of us spared? 
• Reflecting on the work they have chosen, they are grounded in empathy. They suffer right along with the people they care for.  
• The fact that they encounter suffering and understand what it's about solidifies their sense of purpose.
• They consider service a privilege.

 

"The best way to find yourself

is to lose yourself

in the service of others."

~Mahatma Gandhi~



If you are a health care provider--a doctor or nurse, a nurse practitioner or a physicians assistant, an EMT, or a therapist in any field--you are a helper. If you are a first responder, we depend upon your help. If you work as a caretaker, a teacher, or a pastor, you're a helper. If you are a parent or grandparent, you are definitely a helper. If you staff a food kitchen or a homeless shelter or an animal rescue, you are one of us. If you drive a snow plow, repair our roads, or haul away our trash, you are helping. What would we do without you? How would we get through the holidays? How would life go on?

Each of us is a helper in our own special way. We encounter each other every day at the intersection of give and take, of sorrow and joy, of pain and pleasure.

When you see scary things happening around you, do what Fred Rogers did when he was a boy. Look for the helpers...and remember that you are one of them, too.

"The world is full of

healers, helpers, and lovers.

If you can't find one,

be one."

~from Treehouse of Hope~

jan







gifts for aspiring writers

This Year's Best Gifts for Aspiring Writers 

A supply of Seven Year Pens~~After all, it will most likely take them that long to finish writing their NY Times best-seller. These are perfect for when the power goes off or their laptop crashes. They can just keep on writing.

 

 

 

A treadmill writing desk~~Be sure to include a gift card that wishes them good health in the New Year. Don't mention their spreading hips or expanding waistline.

 

 

 

Coffee wine~~For the caffeine addict/wine lover in your life, it solves two problems without dirtying glassware unnecessarily, and, yes~~it does exist. Check it out here.

www.theshot.coffeeratings.com



For those who insist they don't want ANYTHING for Christmas, you can always try this:

 

A word of sincere appreciation~~This doesn't mean you have to gush over their epic dystopian romantic thriller if you're not into that kind of thing. No, it means you understand how hard they work, the dedication it takes, the solitude it requires. The missed meals, sleepless nights, and unpredictable mood swings that you have not only witnessed, but experienced yourself just by being around them.

 

www.funfeelingslife.wordpress.com

 

A word of encouragement~~It says to them that you understand their need to stare out the window or gaze at a blank wall for days on end to come up with just the right word, and no, you don't think they're lazy good-for-nothing loafers because that's how they've chosen to spend their entire adult life.

 

A gentle critique~~Start like this: "I enjoyed reading your 856 page manuscript, 'Moo Cow Makes It Home'...." Nod and say it with a smile. After all, you don't want to alienate the author, especially if it's your spouse or best friend. After you flatter them you may then point out salient problems as you see them, "...but it's a little long for a children's book." You'll be doing them a favor.

If you're an agent or an editor, a contract would be nice~~You have the easy job. No shopping around for you. No fretting over what to give. This is guaranteed to be a big hit on Christmas day.

 

www.publishedtodeath.blogspot.co

 

With just fifteen shopping days until Christmas, what's on your list?

 

 

*

"Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!

What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store?

What if Christmas

...perhaps...

means a little bit more?"

~~Dr. Seuss~~

jan

Christmas presence

Are you ready for Christmas? I am. I'm as ready as I can be given the fact that this isn't the easiest celebration to pull off every year. A snowstorm could sweep in and ruin everything. Money may be running low. A common cold can lay a person low. 

www.drlisawatson.com

 

But that's not what worries me.

The problem is that I have friends who are sick...so sick, in fact, that this could be the last Christmas they see. I have friends who are grieving. I know people who are lonely. Angry. Depressed.



And, most likely you do, too.

The holidays have a way of putting life's inevitable struggles into perspective. The bright lights and merry carols that the rest of us enjoy can dampen the spirits, deepen the grief, and aggravate the loneliness that so many feel at this time of the year.

 

www.personal.psu.edu



I wish everyone could be happy at Christmastime. That everyone had hope. That everyone was at peace. It's hard to know what to do for those who aren't. What good are presents when pain is the problem?

When this happens, I am left to reflect on what I think would be helpful to me if the tables were turned:

If I were sick, if I were the one receiving chemo, or struggling against pain, I would want a friend at my side.

"Nobody cares how much you know

until they know how much you care."

~Theodore Roosevelt~

Don't bother bringing me fuzzy pink slippers or flowers or food...unless, of course, it makes you happy...in which case, bring it on! Even though it's your presence I need.

If I were grieving the loss of a loved one--my spouse, or one of my children, or my best friend--I would want you to sit at the kitchen table with me and share stories--the sweet, funny, important moments that we enjoyed with them.

"The past beats inside me 

like a second heart."

~John Banville~

 

I'll make the tea. You bring the cookies.

 

If my house turned to splinters in a storm, or I lost my job, or my marriage went south I would need you to hold me up, to cheer me on, to shelter me if it came to that. Don't say, "Call me if you need anything." I would need everything and I wouldn't have the strength to pick up the phone. Just come. Sit. Stay.

 

www.weheartit.com

 

One of the best presents we can give is exactly that--our presence. Our halting, not-sure-what-to-do-or-what-to-say presence. Our I'll-be-here-for-you-no-matter-what friendship. Our I-wish-I-could-do-more-for-you selves.

This post is dedicated to all who find the holidays season difficult...the poor, the sick and lonely, the sorrowful...and to those who are present for them.

"I think this is how

we're supposed to be in this world:

present and in awe."

~Anne Lamott~

jan