submersed

 

If you are a health care provider or a caretaker you may have attended a patient who was dying. I sat with my mother for fourteen hours the day she died, hoping my voice...my simple presence...would bring her some comfort that day. Perhaps it allayed her fear, eased her sorrow, or brought her some sense of peace. I do not recall her suffering. She did not appear to be short of breath. She never cried out in pain. And then...with her last breath...she was gone.

"Tomorrow I will be gone.

I will be a flower or a leaf...

I will be very happy."

~Thich Nhat Hanh~

Thich Nhat Hanh taught us we fear death because we believe that in the end, our life amounts to nothing. We are filled with fear of annihilation. I disagree. I believe we fear death because we fear the suffering we will endure...and cause our loved ones...during the process. Regardless of what we believe comes afterward.

*

I spent last week with a couple of my grandchildren. I never tuned in to the news or commentary I usually follow so I was not aware of the unfolding drama aboard the Submersible Titan until it became clear that the men on board were running out of oxygen, helplessly facing suffocation even as massive rescue efforts were underway

Imagine what that must be like.

If you hold your breath long enough, your body will crave oxygen. Thankfully, your nervous system is wired to override your efforts. You will eventually take that needed breath. Gasp! But what if there were no oxygen in the air you inhaled? You would suffer, desperate for relief until you passed out. Until you died. 

I couldn't shake off the horror of the fate of the five men on board the Titan. The slow suffocation. The certainty they would die. Watching as the others succumbed one by one.

"All beings tremble before violence.

All love life.

All fear death.

See yourself in others. 

Then, whom can you hurt?"

~Buddha~

Hanh taught that the most important task we face in life is to make peace with death. To accept the fact that everything is impermanent. To fully embrace what we believe follows. This is something we must all reconcile for ourselves. It has to be something that makes sense to each of us personally, because no one knows what comes after death. Some believe it is never ending peace and joy in Heaven. Hopefully, not an eternity spent in Hell. Others believe in rebirth, giving us time to learn the lessons and embrace the sacred practices we missed or rejected the first time around. I prefer the idea of a green burial, and the re-animation of my DNA in an apple tree, a flower, or a ladybug. Embracing the possibility of a meaningful and joyful afterlife is a great help. 

I also take comfort from accounts of the near-death experiences of people who have, for example, survived cardiac arrest. The white light. The visions of angels and glimpses of heaven. The utter absence of pain and suffering that make some who survive wish they hadn't. Suggesting that the moment of death is both painless and transcendent.

Yesterday we learned of the violent implosion that destroyed the Titan and took its five passengers to their deaths. Now I'm trying to process that...

"In the depths of your hopes and desires

lies your silent knowledge of the beyond;

And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow

your heart dreams of spring.

Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden

the gate to eternity."

~Kahlil Gibran~

jan

why we wander and where we go

Rocky Mountain National Park

June 2023

~Andrea Gashinski~

There is no question that writing, or storytelling in any of its iterations for that matter, has the power to heal. Hence, my interest in narrative medicine. Most of us would also agree that music has the ability to affect our mood. That art can bring us to awe.

But what about time spent in nature? In the wilderness? In solitude?

"Morning has broken like the first morning."

~Cat Stevens~

\

"I am at home among the trees."

~JRR Tolkien~

"Still waters run deep."

~various attributions~

"Nature is my religion. The earth is my temple."

~Nidhi Bhatt~

"Of all the paths you take in life,

make sure a few of them are dirt."

~John Muir~

As Tolkien put it:

"Not all who wander are lost."

Some of us wander because we are suffering. Some are healing. Others are grieving. Some of us are in search of peace. Others, courage. Still others, wisdom. Even joy. 

If you sometimes feel lost...and don't we all at times?...remember to:

"Keep close to nature's heart...

break clear away once in a while and

 climb a mountain or spend a week in the woods.

Wash your spirit clean."

~John Muir~

You'll feel better.

jan

 

"the mind illuminated"

 

I'll be off the grid, so to speak, for the next week or so...heading out to Estes, Colorado to explore the park with a few of my favorite people. This is the reward I promised my new right knee if she kept up with her PT and proved she could hike a bit without complaining about it. She's eager to see if she measures up, and so am I. Of course, there are some activities we will have to pass on, like rock climbing and white water rafting...

...meaning I will need a couple of good books to enjoy poolside while the younger generation puts their lives at risk.

"Books are a uniquely

portable magic."

~Stephen King~

Most people I know like to read a good mystery or thriller, a romance, or fantasy when they are on vacation. Not me, though. I disappeared down the consciousness studies hole again a few weeks ago, chasing a few references from the book I was loving, "Science, Being, & Becoming: The Spiritual Lives of Scientists" by Paul J. Mills, Ph.D. 

Among the titles that attracted me were "Physics of Consciousness" at 304 pages, "Song of the Cell" at 496 pgs., "The Science of Consciousness" at 514 pgs., and, on a lighter note, "Braiding Sweetgrass" at 408 pgs., and "The Immense World" at 464 pgs....none of which I wanted to haul all the way cross country. (I know, I know...I should have a Kindle, and I do have one, somewhere...).

"I like big books

and I cannot lie."

~attribution unknown~

So I turned to Amazon and came up with two short, light-weight paperbacks I thought would suffice: "When the Trees Say Nothing" by Thomas Merton, and "The Confession Club" by my favorite novelist, Elizabeth Berg. That order went in before I landed on this:

The problem is I couldn't resist opening it, and now I can't put it down. The good news is it comes in at 430 pages so I won't be able to finish it before I leave. The bad news is it weighs in at 2 lbs., and I'm definitely hauling it to Colorado!

This is the most detailed, reader-friendly instruction in meditation I have come across yet, no offense to Pema Chodron, Jack Kornfield, or Sharon Salzburg, among other great teachers. 

If you are curious about the practice of meditation and its benefits, this book is a practical and inclusive guide. If you are skeptical about what you have been taught or have read about meditation, the author, in addition to his credentials as a Buddhist meditation master, is also a neuroscientist. He understands both sides of the equation. If, like me, you have a regular meditation practice but you want to take it to the next level, this book will show you the way. If you're ready to give up because nothing seems to be happening or you find the practice difficult, don't walk away just yet. Again and again, the author touches on an issue that resonates with me, and I've been meditating regularly for years. He goes into obstacles to effective meditation, the sense of failure we all experience as beginners, and the reasons we fail to progress. Then, step by step, he shows us the way forward. 

Meditation is good for you, and for the world. You don't have to take my word for it though. Discover it for yourself.

"Believe nothing

no matter where you read it or

who has said it,

not even if I have said it,

unless it agrees with your own reason

and your own logic."

~Siddhartha Gautama~ 

(The Buddha)

jan