I have a handful of friends whose stories I know inside and out.
"Tell us the story of the
mountain you climbed.
Your words could become a page
in someone else's survival guide."
~Morgan Harper Nichols~
mountain you climbed.
Your words could become a page
in someone else's survival guide."
~Morgan Harper Nichols~
One of them held her brother in her arms as his life slipped away after someone broadsided the car she was driving at an intersection. She was just sixteen years old...and he was only twelve.
Another woman lost three of her six children. A train took one down when he was eleven years old. That tragedy drove her second son to suicide. As if that weren't enough, another one succumbed to an oppositional form of childhood leukemia.
Another friend of mine hasn't seen her daughter, her only child, in over ten years...not since the day her ex absconded with the child to a war-torn country in the Middle East following a bitter divorce.
Another friend of mine hasn't seen her daughter, her only child, in over ten years...not since the day her ex absconded with the child to a war-torn country in the Middle East following a bitter divorce.
I could go on.
The thing is, it took years for these stories to emerge. They were shared with me little by little, over coffee, over dinner, at conferences, and on road trips. There are still some details my friends can't bear to reveal, some for which there are no words. No way to describe the horrifying moment. To process its meaning. To live on in spite of it.
Which is why I continue to nag them. Please...write for us! Tell us everything.
Why?
Because when we know someone's whole story we have a better shot at understanding who they are and how they got that way. We are able to provide meaningful and appropriate support, encouragement, and care. We know when they need space. We get a glimpse of the dark side and it doesn't scare us away.
Likewise, when someone tells us his/her story, it helps allay fear, dispel anger, and overcome shame. The process of sharing your story with others leads you out of isolation.
This is why I encourage my friends to tell the rest of us what happened. To tell us how they got through it then, and how they go on today. How they get up in the morning and go to work. How they ever manage a smile. What gives them strength, or hope, or solace.
"Write hard and clear
about what hurts."
~Ernest Hemingway~
Why?
Because when we know someone's whole story we have a better shot at understanding who they are and how they got that way. We are able to provide meaningful and appropriate support, encouragement, and care. We know when they need space. We get a glimpse of the dark side and it doesn't scare us away.
Likewise, when someone tells us his/her story, it helps allay fear, dispel anger, and overcome shame. The process of sharing your story with others leads you out of isolation.
This is why I encourage my friends to tell the rest of us what happened. To tell us how they got through it then, and how they go on today. How they get up in the morning and go to work. How they ever manage a smile. What gives them strength, or hope, or solace.
"When you stand and share your story...
your story will heal you and
your story will heal somebody else."
~Iyanla Vanzant~
Teach us what you know. Tell us your story.
jan
