how to write like a horse

 

This past week, a lone horse in a pasture captured my attention. I spotted him running full speed ahead from one end of his football field-sized enclosure to the other--back and forth, back and forth. No one was chasing him. No one was cheering him on. He seemed to be galloping along for the pure joy of it. To feel the wind in his mane. To stretch his legs. Like this one:

~www.123rf.com~

When he'd had enough, he simply stopped and rested. Like this one:

~horseandrideruk.com~

This, I believe, is how we should write: for the pure joy of it. Letting loose on the page. Stretching our imaginations. Letting our spirits soar without anyone questioning our motives. Writing what we can simply because we can. Without prodding. Without apology. Without restraint.

"Writing is the most fun

you can have by yourself."

~Terry Pratchett~

And we, too, should feel free to stop and rest when our joy is satisfied and our energy is spent, knowing that we can take off again any time.

Go ahead. Write like a horse!

"Release your majestic mind,

embrace your untamed inner spirit.

Break free from captivity,

avoid society...

You were born to be free."

~Melanie Moushigian Koulouris~

jan

what are you afraid of?

If you are a healthcare provider, a caregiver, or worse, if you are a patient...you're probably all too familiar with the word "fear."

"It is both a blessing and a curse

to feel everything so deeply."

~Noah Weiss~

Patients probably bear the brunt of it. When they have to wait for the test results they know will determine their fate. When they face a painful or risky procedure. When the phone rings in the middle of the night, and it's the ER calling. Parents bolt out of bed, and they are on their way. Fear can show up as dread, as hatred, as shame. It can also alert you to danger. It can deliver a jolt of adrenaline. It can be a great energizer. A motivating force. 

Fear is also fertile soil for avoidance and denial. For procrastination. For the imagination. Take the case of the middle-aged man who presents to your office with chest discomfort he describes as "indigestion"...because he's afraid to admit it could be his heart. So he fails to mention that the pain gets worse when he walks uphill. That it radiates into his neck when he lifts something heavy. That antacids haven't helped. He's afraid, all right.

Imagine the fear a parent feels when his child is rushed to the hospital because of an illness, injury, or overdose. 

What is it like for a woman who is in labor if she lost her last newborn because of a heart condition or some other unforeseen complication at the time of delivery? What could be scarier?

"Be brave my heart.

Have courage my soul."

~attribution unknown~

As ordinary human beings trying to orchestrate our personal lives outside of the office or hospital, healthcare providers are prone to some of the same fears. I take good care of myself, so I don't worry unnecessarily about my health. But I will admit to a twinge of anxiety when I was asked to return for additional views on my mammogram last year. 

I wasn't worried when my PCP picked up a few irregular heartbeats on my physical and ordered an echocardiogram. I drink a lot of coffee, so what did he expect? I wasn't worried until the tech started spreading goop all over my chest. Suddenly, I was a bit anxious about what they might find. I had rheumatic fever as a child, by the way.

There's that...and then there's the fear that stalks us through the workday. Who hasn't felt it on the way to a "code"? Will the patient need to be intubated? Will we remember the dose of bicarb or atropine to give, and when to give it? Will we be able to save this life? Fear is never far away.

"The greatest mistake we make

is living in constant fear that

we will make one."

~John C. Maxwell~

What about the patient who shows up unannounced at the office with a bad laceration? Fear kicks in. Will I get the layers right when I stitch it up? Will it look OK when it heals? What if it gets infected? 

Will the delivery go smoothly? Will the baby be okay?

Will the Narcan work in time?

"Do what you can,

with what you have,

where you are."

~Theodore Roosevelt~

Patients would probably be surprised to know how fearful healthcare providers, even physicians, can be. Deciding which tests to order and how to interpret them. Afraid of making the slightest mistake. Worried we might miss a diagnosis or botch a procedure.

Fear is like a shadow on a cloudy day. It follows us from patient to patient, unseen. They may not know it's there, but it is. It might reveal itself as frustration, impatience, or disengagement. It can cause headaches, rapid pulse, nausea, sweaty palms, or shakiness. Even in doctors. Like everybody else.

"Great fear is concealed

under daring."

~Lucan~

What are you afraid of? What will you do about it?

jan

the bridges we cross vs the bridges we burn

 

My current WIP is, roughly speaking, about breaking away from learned and/or conditioned beliefs and behaviors that no longer ring true to us...and why we should. 

Given today's political climate, this is relevant as we encounter people whose deeply entrenched convictions offend our beliefs about justice, lawfulness, and compassion. We wonder if there is anything we can say or do to change the minds and the behaviors of MAGA supporters who discriminate against whole classes of human beings, who have withdrawn support from the neediest among us, and who put our health at risk. What would it take to convince them otherwise? Is it possible to change their world view?

"Sometimes you change your mind.

Sometimes your mind changes you."

~Binyomin Scheiman~

When we learn something new or are exposed to a different way of thinking or responding to life's twists and turns, it can lead to a shift in perspective so that we see the world differently. This comports with the principles of Transformational Learning Theory, introduced by Jack Mezirow, a sociologist and Emeritus Professor of Adult and Continuing Education at Columbia University, in the 1970s.

Transformational learning considers how people make sense of life. It refers to the ways we adjust our thinking based on the acquisition of new information...how we make sense of what happens to us and around us. It is based on the contradictions between newly acquired knowledge and previous knowledge, and how this alters our way of thinking about an idea or situation. These changes can arise from sudden moments of insight, or they can unfold gradually as the learner reflects upon what they have learned, or observed, or experienced, and how that affects their beliefs. Their world view.

Mezirow taught that in childhood, learning is formative, meaning it is derived from formal sources of authority such as parents and teachers, and from socialization including adherence to cultural norms and expectations.

In adulthood, on the other hand, learning can become transformative, as adults acquire the ability to discern distortions in their own beliefs, feelings, and attitudes. This opens the door to change.

How does this happen? Mezirow believed that the change occurs when we face what he labelled "a disorienting dilemma", an experience that does not fit our expectations or make sense to us without a substantial change in our world view, our conditioned assumptions, our previously held beliefs, or our tightly held convictions. It forces us to reconsider our beliefs in a way that brings us into alignment with what we have learned.

"Sometimes the hardest thing in life

is to know which bridge to cross and 

which bridge to burn."

~Daniel Russell~

Transformational learning refers to the ways we develop and use critical self-reflection to adjust our thinking based on the acquisition of new information. There’s nothing surprising about that. We do it all the time. For example, we might quit our job when we learn that our boss is employing unethical or illegal business practices. The thing that sets transformative learning apart from, say, what we learn from reading a book or taking a class is the fact that transformative learning always involves a "disorienting dilemma".  It can be painful. What we learn, or witness, or experience leaves us stunned. Confused. Unsure. It forces us to ask several questions:

• What have I been thinking all this time? Why?
• What is important to me?         
• What am I really committed to?
• What is preventing me from accomplishing what I am committed to?
• What path will I take going forward?

Let's consider a specific example...something that directly affects us as health care providers: the theoretical case of a diehard MAGA supporter who loses his unvaccinated child or grandchild to a totally preventable disease, such as measles or RSV. He was convinced that RFK was right about the dangers of vaccination, until he was forced to confront the truth.

 
Mezirow describes ten phases in the process of transformational learning:

1.     Encountering a disorienting dilemma...in this case, the totally preventable death of a child

2.     Self-examination accompanied by feelings of guilt or shame, in this situation, for having rejected the science behind vaccination

3.     Critical assessment of the epistemic, sociocultural, or psychic assumptions that guided one's choices

4.     Recognition that one’s discontent and the process of transformation are shared…that others have successfully navigated a similar change, that others have changed their minds about the risks and benefits of vaccination

5.     Exploration of options for new roles, relationships, or actions...such as transforming from an antivaxer to an advocate for vaccination

6.     Planning a course of action

7.     Acquisition of knowledge and skills for implementing one’s plans

8.     Provisional experimentation with new roles, such as encouraging others to reconsider the issue

9.     Building competence and self-confidence in new roles and relationships

10.  A reintegration into one’s life based on the conditions dictated by one’s new perspective
 
While Mezirow's theory was intended to reference learning in adult education, it is applicable across a broad spectrum of behavior, thought, and experience. It is at work our relationships, in our careers, in our faith, and now, in our politics.

I wouldn't wish a "disorienting dilemma" on anyone except that it might lead to the kind of transformation we can, otherwise, only hope for.

 "When the wind of change blows, 

some people build walls.

Others build windmills."

~Chinese Proverb~

jan

 

 
 

let nature heal you

 

My hike in the woods this week was more about meditation than getting exercise. It was silent, and still, and peaceful out there. It slowed me down. I paused to meditate for a few minutes every so often, until finally, I just sat down and let everything else go.

"Sometimes you find yourself

in the middle of nowhere,

and sometimes in the middle of nowhere 

you find yourself."

~A Living Rock~

~Circe Sola~

I've been studying and practicing one form of meditation or another for over fifty years. As far as I know, none of my friends or colleagues practices it, although I do know several women who practice various other forms of energy healing, including accupuncture, therapeutic touch, neurofeedback, hypnosis, and Reiki. Most traditional Western providers shun these techniques out of ignorance, or disdain, or denial, but I've seen them work for others, and they have worked for me, so I have an intuitive attraction to them. 

While there are many other forms of meditation, these are some I practice:  

• Insight meditation involves focusing the attention to let go of the cascade of thoughts that pass constantly through the mind. A basic training involves simply observing one's breath in order to achieve a state of calm, clarity, and detachment, letting go of thoughts as they arise.
• Mindfulness meditation teaches us to maintain moment-by-moment awareness of our thoughts and feelings without judgement, in order to see things as they are in the present moment rather than rehashing the past or projecting into the future. 
• Loving-kindness meditation is the practice of sending loving intention to yourself, to the people you love, to people you recognize but don't really know, and finally, to people who have offended you. It usually involves an invocation. Mine goes like this:

May you be happy

May you be healthy.

May you be safe.

May you dwell in peace and loving kindness.

My practice goes on to include all people, especially the suffering, to all animals including pets, to farm animals who die painful deaths so we can eat meat, to animals in the wild, to sea creatures, and from there to the environment. It takes about an hour depending upon how detailed I get.

• Tonglen involves the mental process of taking on the suffering of another person with the in-breath, and sending them peace, comfort, and love on the out-breath, starting with people you love, moving to people who are neutral in your life, and ending with those who are hard for you to love.
• Mindfulness based stress reduction (MBSR) integrates yoga and mindfulness with science and Western medicine to reduce stress, anxiety, illness, and chronic pain.

"If meditation were a drug,

failure to prescribe it would

constitute medical malpractice."

~Robert Delozier, MD~

• ECO meditation ("energy ecology meditation") uses methods that retrain the brain to avoid defaulting to conditioned or learned patterns of reactivity that reinforce negative emotions such as anger, hatred, and fear. Instead, we learn to reframe our emotional reactions and behaviors to acceptance/tolerance, compassion, and loving-kindness. It utilizes Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) such as tapping accupressure endpoints.
•  Guided imagery is another technique that can lead the meditator to a peaceful, loving emotional state.

"Of all the paths you take in life,

make sure a few of them are dirt."

~John Muir~

Meditation is a restorative practice, and mindfulness is its foundation. Among its numerous health benefits are stress reduction and the accompanying decrease in blood pressure and cortisol levels, reduction in measurements of systemic inflammation, and therefore, improvement in the immune system, alleviation of chronic pain, and management of PTSD.

If you are a health care provider, you should explore every option, every path to healing for your patients. If you are in need of healing, in addition to the surgery you need, or the chemotherapy or antidepressant you are taking, consider this:

"Go home to nature

and let nature heal you."

~Thich Nhat Hanh~

jan

the origins of cruelty and indifference

 

Burlington Harbor

I practice meditation regularly, daily if I can. My favorite is loving-kindness meditation when I first bring to mind my family and friends, and then I move on to connect one by one with groups of people who are suffering. This includes the sick, injured, and dying, children who are neglected, abandoned, and abused, people affected by poverty, hunger, and natural disasters, and those in refugee camps and war zones, among others. It takes a while...because then I extend loving kindness to people who challenge me. And to animals who, likewise, may be abused, neglected, injured, lost, and suffering. Next come the sea creatures. The natural world. The planet as a whole...that it will survive.

It goes something like this:

May you be happy.

May you be healthy.

May you be safe.

May you dwell in peace and loving kindness...

...or (depending upon the situation)

may you be embraced by peace and loving kindness,

or may you come to understand peace and loving kindness,

or may you spread peace and loving kindness.

Today when I sat down and closed my eyes, it occurred to me to focus on something else...on the kind of people who are least likely to extend peace and kindness, and least likely to be offered it. People who need it the most. You know who I'm talking about: the President and his inner circle, including Vance, Hegseth, Rubio, RFK, Bondi, and Leavitt among others...

...because I don't know about you, but I am struggling to understand the conduct of our President, and I am flabbergasted that so many MAGA republicans support him. They support policies that are fundamentally unjust, illegal, and unconstitutional...but also cruel and uncaring. Some are frankly delusional, as for example, something about "medbeds" and accusations of chaos and violence on the peaceful streets of Portland, Oregon. Our leadership is obviously out of touch with reality and reason.

I found myself asking, "How does this happen among men and women who are clearly intelligent?" These are people who have risen to the top ranks of government, business, and law. How do they surrender to the deceit, lies, and delusional thinking that are clearly untrue, or unjust, or untenable? The answer may lie here:

"What happens to us as children

shapes who we become as adults."

~Alice Miller~

A while back, I wrote about childhood trauma and its lingering effects on our beliefs, behaviors, and even our health as adults. We're not just talking about physical and sexual abuse or physical neglect, but the less obvious connection between emotional pain in childhood and the inability to process it as adults. The child avoids it by shutting down, by dissociating from it. By avoiding it, they may never acquire the ability to process emotional issues. This is referred to as "emotional dysregulation." It can manifest in adulthood as denial, lack of empathy, and even outright cruelty...which is what we are observing among our legislators, now.

As a matter of fact, this connection has been investigated and confirmed in several independent studies. If you're interested, check out:

pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

Of course, the problems associated with childhood trauma are multifaceted and sometimes difficult to uncover. Still, I am willing to wager that most adults who are cruel, uncaring, and indifferent to the suffering of others are all victims of childhood trauma in some way. When they were most vulnerable, they did not receive love or care from the people they depended upon to help them process the fear, confusion, or the sadness that pervaded their emotional world. They sought relief in other ways. Escape. Distraction. Withdrawal. Retribution. And so, here we are. 

"Childhood trauma is the greatest

unaddressed health threat facing our nation."

~Robert Block, MD~

The treatment for problems that arise from childhood trauma, including dissociative and attachment disorders, anxiety and depression, and absence of empathy and compassion is complicated and difficult. Unless a person recognizes these issues for what they are and is genuinely dedicated to working through them, they are stuck. And so are we. 

According to Peter A. Levine, PhD., author of "Healing Trauma" and "Trauma Through a Child's Eyes":

"Trauma is perhaps the most

avoided, ignored, belittled, denied,

misunderstood, and untreated cause

of human suffering."

...which is why it is so hard to comprehend its lingering after-effects--the cruelty and indifference we observe in some adults. Victims of childhood trauma need the loving kindness they reject, but they don't understand it, so they can't embrace it. And they can't extend it to others.

The rest of us can, though. Remember:

Be kind,

for everyone is fighting a battle

you know nothing about."

~Wendy Mass~

Scatter loving-kindness to whomever you can, wherever they are, whenever you can.

No matter what...

jan

 

we all deserve a little "down" time

We all deserve a little "down" time now and then, don't you think? Time away from work. Time away from the news. Time to daydream. Even Mother Nature can't be at the top of her game every day of every week of every season. Which is why we're headed into October, and this week, the weather is beach worthy, hot and humid. At this rate, the pumpkins we put out will rot before Halloween. Perhaps Mother Nature just needs a little time to muster the energy it takes to move into Fall.

"I prefer winter and fall,

when you feel the bone structure

of the landscape.

Something waits beneath it.

The whole story doesn't show."

~Andrew Wyeth~

Although, to her credit, Mother Nature did share a moment of inspiration with us last week when she let loose with a few days of glorious cool, crisp autumn-like weather. Now it's back to the same old thing--the heat and humidity--just when things were looking up. It makes you wonder. Will Fall ever come to stay? Will winter ever get here? Does Mother Nature just need a little "down time"?

 

This comes to mind because that's how my writing has been going lately. I've been slogging back and forth through the last three chapters of my WIP for weeks, not making much progress. Except for a rare moment of inspiration, I have been stuck. I sometimes wonder if I'll ever move ahead. If I'll ever get to the end of it. 

 

Like Mother Nature, I think we all occasionally need a little "down time" in our writing, because, in Brenda Ueland's words:

 

"Inspiration comes very slowly and quietly...

The imagination needs moodling--long, inefficient,

happy idling, dawdling and puttering."

~Brenda Ueland~

 

Patience. Optimism. Nurturing. You can no more rush a thought into being than you can hurry the seasons along.

 

Eventually, autumn will get here. Sooner or later the story will finish itself.

 

Do you ever experience "down" time? Do you let it discourage or energize you? Are you open to what will follow?

"...it is the way you are to feel when you are writing--

happy, truthful, and free,

with that wonderful, contented absorption

of a child stringing beads.

With complete self-trust."

~Brenda Ueland~

jan



 

off topic, but worthy of reflection

"Alpabzug" or Alpine Descent in Switzerland

I met up with a friend at our favorite restaurant the other night. It's something of a joke between us because I can order her meal from memory. Steak. And she can predict what I will have. Seafood. It's as predictable as the tide. It never changes. There's a story behind it, though.

Perhaps you have already noticed this. There are certain books that leave a lasting impression on you. Others, you can't even remember having read. I picked up a copy of "The Mind Illuminated" by John Yates, PhD this week. It has been collecting dust on my bookshelf for a while now. It's a guide to meditation based on Buddhist wisdom and modern neuroscience. It sounded interesting. Imagine my surprise when I opened it up and discovered I had already read it, complete with underlining, notations, and dog ears. Obviously, though, I'd forgotten about it.

On the other hand, I read "The Jungle" by Upton Sinclair when I was in high school. The book is an expose of the greed, cruelty, and indifference Sinclair uncovered in the meat packing industry. It changed me, but I didn't respond to the horrors and cruelty he exposed right away. After all, I was still expected to eat what my mother put in front of me...meat and potatoes. Still, the images of cruel and abusive breeding and butchering of animals stuck with me until I made the transition to vegetarianism, actually pescatarianism (veggies and occasionally seafood) in my later years. Almost fifty years later.

"All animals just want to be loved."

~Anthony Douglas Williams~

I won't bore you with arguments for or against vegetarianism except to suggest you give it some thought. Or read "The Jungle" yourself, or read something by Jane Goodall, or check in with Joar Berge online at https://moustache-farmer.de/en 

'Nuff said. Pictures speak louder than words:

~Joar Berge
 @moustache_farmer~

~@thegentlebarn~

~Arik Vasquez~

~estherthewonderpig.com~

~Tatyana_tomsickova~

Consider this:

"The greatness of a nation

and its moral progress can be judged

by the way its animals are treated."

~Mahatma Gandhi~

...and not just its pets, I would add. Also, according to Darwin:

"The love for all living creatures is

the most noble attribute of man."

~Charles Darwin~

No offense intended, but if you love animals, you could consider not eating them. If you can't resist a good steak or chop once in a while, you should offer deepest reverence and gratitude to the being that offered it up for you. Or, in deference to hunters:

"Don't eat anything

you aren't willing to kill yourself."

~Lorene Lavora~

jan