when was your big moment?

 

Author Natalie Goldberg will be one of the presenters at the 3^rd Annual Conference on Narrative Medicine I’ll be attending at Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health in July. So... I’m re-reading all the books of hers I’ve collected over the years. Writing Down the Bones. Freeing the Writer Within. An Old Friend from Far Away. And, last night, The True Secret of Writing.

In it, she was talking about a specific writing prompt:

“Can you tell me about a moment that was big for you…

an instant when you saw things differently from then on?

Not a sensational moment—

you won ten-thousand dollars in the lottery,

 you were lost in the woods alone with no food—

but a quiet moment when your whole awareness shifted?”

~Natalie Goldberg~

Oh, I hope she uses this prompt in one of our workshops this summer because, oh, my…do I have a story for her.

True story:

When I was looking at colleges many years ago, I had insanely strict criteria about what I wanted in a school. It had to be in New England (I was a devoted skier), and the campus had to be beautiful. Period. That’s all.

In the end, I wound up at UVM (because it met all of my criteria…) where I majored in medical technology…because it was the only department other than math and chemistry that admitted many out-of-staters, and math and chemistry were not even thinkable for me. I figured, as a med tech, at least I would graduate with a degree in a field where I could expect to find a paying job.

Then somewhere along the way, it dawned on me that maybe I should think about medical school. Blood and urine and saliva samples were intriguing enough, but I was curious about the patients who submitted them…about the diseases they suffered, how their illnesses affected them, what was being done to treat them. But it was a lofty goal, and I didn’t believe I was brave enough, or smart enough, or strong enough to pursue that career path.

“We have to look at our own inertia,

insecurities, self-hate, fear that, in truth,

we have nothing valuable to say.

When Your writing blooms

out of the back of this garbage compost,

it is.”

~Natalie Goldberg~

I expected to settle for a career in research…

…until the night everything changed for me. On a blind date. To the annual medical school banquet and faculty roast. With a med student who apparently met all the requirements that qualified him to become a fine physician.

So, I went into this blind date in a state of paralyzing awe at this brilliant, handsome young man. How had I ended up on a date with him? I was shy back then. And, naïve. The dark side of medical humor (and isn’t most medical humor on the dark side?) did not tickle my funny bone. I felt like a total misfit…and that only served to reinforce my insecurity and reluctance to reach for med school…

…until we went back to Mr. Future Doctor’s apartment. I kid you not when I say garbage was piled in the middle of the kitchen floor. And I don’t mean the trash can was overflowing. It was just piled there…uneaten food from God knows when, cans and bottles, oozy things. And it covered the counters and table, too. Oh…and, of course, there was drinking and smoking and weed.

Which brings me to “The Moment”. The exact moment when I looked at this man and thought…no, I knew in my soul…if he could do it, I could do it!

Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment

until it becomes a memory.”

~from Illionis Home

If it hadn’t been for that serendipitous date and “The Moment” my awareness shifted I would probably still be cross matching blood and culturing urine in a hospital lab somewhere…wondering who those patients really were. I wouldn't have a lifetime in medical practice to look back on, and I wouldn't have any of those stories to tell.

“If you miss the moment,

you miss your life.”

~David Daido Loori~

jan