if not now, when?

When I retired in order to begin all over again as a wannabe writer, I didn't know what I was getting myself into. I didn't know if I had any talent for this kind of thing, any hope of success, or the necessary dedication to it. Nevertheless, I put my misgivings aside, summoned whatever courage I could muster, and cleared my desk so I was ready to try.

Since then, I've learned there are certain signs that writing is a person's true passion in life. Is it yours?

"I'm one of those people

who believes you should start writing 

before you're ready."

~Joseph J. Ellis

In my experience, these are the top ten signs that you, too, may be ready to begin:

• At any one time, you carry at least five pens with you (six to ten is even better). Go ahead. Check your purse or briefcase now.

• You have enough pens with you but sometimes you forget to carry paper. Therefore, sizable chunks of your manuscript are recorded on napkins, on the back of receipts, on used envelopes, and when that fails...on the back of your hand.

• You have perfected the ability to record plot points, dialogue, and gorgeous prose whenever and wherever your muse is kind enough to share it with you...and you can get it down without taking your eyes off the road.

• Sudoku makes you cringe.

"A writer's life and work 

are not a gift to mankind.

They are its necessity."

~Toni Morrison~

• You are reluctant but willing to concede that your laptop/word processor is a convenience, but you will defend the merits of pen and paper to the end. Remember the likes of Shakespeare, Dostoyevsky, Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John?

• When you're writing, you sometimes make yourself cry.

• Sometimes you make yourself laugh.

• When you read what you've written later on, it happens again.

• You have made peace with the word "delete".

"You may not write well every day,

But you can always edit a bad page.

You can't edit a blank page."

~Jodi Picoult~

• "I wasted the whole day," is not part of your vocabulary.

• You make excuses (Oh, all right--you sometimes lie) so that you can stay home alone.

Oops. That makes eleven sure signs.

The point is that unless you begin, you will never know what you can accomplish. You will never put your passion to the test, exercise your creativity, or realize your dream.  You will miss your chance to share what you have learned. You will never know if you have what it takes, and you will always wonder about it.

When do you plan to begin?

"If not now, when?"

~Eckhart Tolle~

jan

when the body says no

 

So...it happened again. A friend just received news of his advanced stage cancer diagnosis after months of waiting for diagnostic scans to be scheduled, then waiting for the biopsy, then waiting for the results...and now waiting to schedule a PET scan to determine what treatment might still help...sending us all to our computers to research what might lie ahead for them. It makes you wonder if all the delays will affect his prognosis and outcome, but let's not go there.

"Bad news does not get better

with time."

~Mark Villareal~

Instead, let's consider a few other factors that might affect the course of his treatment.

The book I coincidentally happen to be reading is "When the Body Says No" by Gabor Mate, MD. 

In it he discusses autoimmune diseases as well as immunity against common cancers and their relationship to stress:

• Why some people appear to be more susceptible to autoimmune diseases and some cancers, while others are spared. 
• The role stress plays in the unmasking of autoimmune problems, and how coping strategies affect the course of the disease (denial, repression, anger, depression).
• How negative and positive thinking affect healing.
• Strategies that can mobilize natural immunity and promote healing.

While genetics, environment, nutrition, and lifestyle are important, stress and how we cope with it also play a role. The field of psychoneuroimmunoendocrinology takes everything into consideration, measuring hormone levels, observing changes in cellular biology, exploring personality traits, and scanning the brain in response to stress to create profiles that correlate with patient outcomes. More or less.

The problem for my friend is that he has no background in medicine and can't really understand what is happening. Denial is in play, or perhaps it's the inability to process and express the emotions that flood patients in this situation. They can feel helpless. Confused. Doomed. 

"Even miracles take a little time."

~The Fairy Godmother in Cinderella~

While his family and friends rally around him to provide support, encouragement, and comfort, the medical community mobilizes its superpowers: surgery, radiation, chemotherapy, and now, immunotherapy. It's all pretty scary.

This is the thing. Patients need to understand what is happening to them, especially when the future is uncertain. Someone needs to ask what they are thinking. What they understand. What they believe. They may need to hear that this is not their fault. That options are available. That there is hope, or that hope is running out. It involves explaining what is happening every step of the way, and the reasoning that goes into medical decision making. It means sharing our expectations for the patient. Even our fears. It means responding to theirs. If they don't process and express the feelings that flood them, they are left to flounder in a sea of confusion, fear, and despair...not a healing space around them.

"Three factors that universally lead to stress:

--uncertainty

--lack of information

--loss of control."

~Gabor Mate, MD~

This is a process that involves not just our patients, but the people who gather at their bedside because they care about them. Because they love them. When we treat patients, we treat their family and friends, as well. They need to understand what is happening and what to expect. They deserve our attention. They need our consideration, compassion, and support, too.  

The overwhelmed physician may suggest this is what we have nurses, social workers, psychologists, pastors, and family and friends for. In today's health care culture, you can get away with this. You can focus on the bulleted lists in the electronic medical record and leave the rest of it to your staff. You can apply what you know about medical and pharmaceutical technology without really knowing your patient. He will still heal. But by disengaging yourself from your patient's psychological, emotional, and spiritual life, and from his family and friends, you sacrifice your connection with him. Unless you include them in his care, you disconnect him from his support system. From his caretakers. This can leave all of them with fear, uncertainty, confusion, and dread when what they need is engagement, support, and understanding.

How do you support your patients and their families when the prognosis is poor, and the way forward is difficult? Do you know...or care...about their fear, anger, or denial and how it affects their ability to heal? What could you be doing differently?

Remember:

"Everyone you meet is fighting

a battle you know nothing about.

Be kind. Always."

~Ian MacClaren~

jan

no mud, no lotus

 

If you are a healthcare provider in any field, or the caretaker for someone you love, you are well aware of the duality that permeates every aspect of reality...the coexistence and contradiction between joy and sorrow, between kindness and cruelty, between life and death. We feel this deeply every day in some way, but never more acutely than when the people around us are suffering.

If you are writing about your experience, you may feel the push and pull of duality in your narrative.

First there's the story you have pictured in your mind...and then, there's the process of translating it into words on a page. It can take you from soaring with enthusiasm to slogging through the muck. You may find yourself stuck.

"No mud, no lotus."

~Thich Nhat Hanh~

Inspiration wanes, fatigue sets in, and the story line languishes. Self-doubt creeps in. And even though the end is in sight, like a desert mirage, it fades away the closer you get to it.

"What makes the desert beautiful

is that somewhere it hides a well."

~Antoine De Saint-Exupery~



This is a lonely place for writers. Your manuscript isn't polished yet so no one else has seen it or commented on it. Therefore, you don't get to enjoy the inspiration that comes with an exchange of ideas, weighing in on suggestions from writing partners. You need a fresh infusion of incentive, like the energy that emerges when composing a query letter or submitting to an editor or agent. But you're not there yet. This is just hard, lonely work, day after day.



How do you cope with it? 

Sometimes I'll take a little time out to dash off a piece of flash fiction, a short essay, or, like today, a blog post. It's like indulging in a little snack when you can't wait for supper.

 

Sometimes I have to tear myself away from the keyboard and polish off a few necessary chores before I can concentrate again. For example, when there's no food in the house, or I run out of clean underwear. I mean, priorities do change. Writing sometimes has to wait while life marches on. Storytelling may have to take a back seat for a while.

What can you do in the meantime?



When I'm stuck for an idea or unsure how to put one into words, I'll pick a random passage to edit and revise, backtracking a bit until I'm sure I'm on the right path again.

"Real writing begins with rewriting."

~James A. Michener~



It also helps to read something by another author on a similar topic. A couple of my go-to favorites are:

"Memoir as Medicine" by Nancy Slonim Aronie

and

"Still Writing" by Dani Shapiro

Just the process of reading beautiful writing invites the mind to get in on the action. 

Do you ever get bogged down in the middle of a project? What do you do to recharge? To move ahead? How do you get it all done?

"Many of life's failures

 are people who did not realize

how close they were to success

when they gave up."

~Thomas A Edison~

jan

the willing suspension of disbelief

...in case the heat is starting to get you down...

The stack of books-to-be-read on my nightstand, coffee table, and desk is getting out of control! 

It's not that I don't like to read. I do. It's not that I don't have time to read. I do. The problem is that one interesting thing leads to another. For example, in "Brave New Medicine", Cynthia Li, MD talks about autoimmune diseases and the role of functional medicine (traditionally known as "alternative" medicine including such practices as acupuncture, Qigong, meditation, Reiki, and other forms of energy medicine) in treatment. This leads her to a discussion of the roles of neuroplasticity, quantum theory, and epigenetics in healing and how our health is affected by our thoughts, beliefs, and intentions. It's no wonder I get distracted.

Li, a board-certified internist, traces her own journey, beginning with a bout of postpartum thyroiditis that never really goes away. She describes the devastating effect it has on her professional and personal life, and the frustration and defeat she felt when traditional allopathic medicine failed for her. She encourages the reader to explore alternative, or functional methods, when all else fails.

"When you have exhausted all possibilities

remember this:

you haven't.

~Thomas Edison~

The point is that autoimmune problems run in my family, so I know they can be notoriously difficult to diagnose, and frustrating to treat. In fact, one of us underwent surgery just last week for an autoimmune condition that has insidiously progressed over the years despite ongoing medical supervision and treatment. And I was just switched to a drug that runs over $7,000 per month which puts it totally out of reach for most of us except that Medicare, supplemental insurance, and a generous patient assistance program through the company that produces it, cover most of the cost...if you "qualify".

Autoimmune disease exacts a harsh physical, emotional, and financial toll on patients and their families. The symptoms vary. The diagnosis can be elusive. The treatment can be expensive, cumbersome, and often ineffective. Not to mention that we know so little about its causes and prevention. 

When a patient encounters a difficult diagnosis, fails to respond to traditional treatments, and gets worse despite our best efforts to help them, it may be worth looking outside the proverbial box and consider something completely different. Li invites us to "suspend disbelief" and keep an open mind to alternative practices that have a long history of success in other cultures and systems, which is how she finally healed.

"Your body's ability to heal

is greater than anyone has permitted

you to believe."

~Bruce Lipton, PhD~

jan