Tuesday, November 19, 2024

how do you process suffering?




How do you process suffering?

If you are a healthcare provider, a caretaker, or a therapist in any field, you expect to encounter suffering. It's part of your job. It's the reason you chose this kind of work: to alleviate suffering. To provide comfort. Care. Healing. 

Whether you are treating a patient with chest pain, or a child with a broken leg, or a patient who has overdosed, you don't hesitate out of fear or dread because you can't bear the sight of blood or the smell of pus. You don't abandon the patient because you're hungry, or tired, or because your shift is coming to and end you have other plans. You do your job. You take suffering in stride because it is your calling in life.

"The simple act of caring
is heroic."
~Edward Albert~

The fact that you can provide comfort and relief is its own reward. It motivates you to continue. It is both satisfying and fulfilling. It takes the sting out of the insecurities, fears, and prejudices that might otherwise make you hesitate. However, this is not true in every instance, nor is it true for most ordinary human beings. Not everyone is prepared, or motivated, or courageous enough to confront suffering, their own or others'.

Suffering, of course, comes in many guises: physical, psychological, emotional, and spiritual. It can present as pain, hunger, loss, fear, depression, shame, guilt, and grief. Confusion, abandonment, isolation. Dread. Hopelessness. It can end in death. I could go on.

If you're one of the lucky ones who is able to reach out to help the suffering, I hope you will. Volunteer. Donate. Speak up. March. Pray.

If you are a person who prefers to ignore, or deny, or shrug it off when you encounter suffering, now might be a good time to ask yourself, "Why?" 

"Everything can be taken from a man 
but one thing:
...to choose one's attitude
in any given circumstance,
to choose one's own way."
~Viktor Frankl~

This might be a good time to think about how you process the suffering you experience, or witness, or hear about in the news and on social media...because, if the president elect has his way, we are doomed to confront cruelty and suffering that is beyond our wildest imagination. The stuff of nightmares. The forced deportation of innocent men, women, and children to face hunger and thirst, disease, torture, and death once they are outside our borders. The agony and death of women who are denied access to lifesaving medical care. The continuing surge in environmental disasters as a result uncontrolled climate change. The hospitalization and death of children from fully preventable childhood infections like polio, whooping cough, tetanus, and measles. The rise in lethal gun violence. War. Prepare yourself because, when it happens, there may be nothing any of us can do to stop it, and no way for us to aid the victims.

What will we do then?

Will we simply harden our hearts against it? Bury our heads in the sand? Pretend that what is happening is acceptable, or necessary, or just? 

"The real weapons of mass destruction
are the hardened hearts of humanity."
~Leonard Cohen~

It is an extraordinary challenge and a privilege, for those of us who care, to tend to people who are suffering. But what about those who don't care? People who choose to ignore, or deny, or dismiss the problem? People, indeed, who cause others to suffer out of a sense of entitlement, arrogance, or greed? What about them?

Do you agree with Thich Nhat Hanh?:

"When another person makes you suffer,
it is because he suffers deeply himself,
and his suffering is spilling over.
He does not need punishment;
he needs help."
~Thich Nhat Hanh~

How do you deal with suffering? How can you help?
jan











Monday, November 4, 2024

thinking ahead to winter


Zermatt, Switzerland

Do you dread winter's arrival? If so, you probably wish today would last forever.

I stepped outside this morning just as the sun came up expecting to feel a chill in the air and a gusty wind in my face. Instead, the day dawned quiet and bright. The sky a deep, clear blue. The remaining foliage bright red and gold. The sun warm and welcoming.


Not a cloud in the sky. Not a breeze.


Not a dog barking in the distance or a plane rumbling overhead. It was silent and still outside. Even the birds--usually so chatty in the morning--seemed to respect Mother Nature's need for a little peace and quiet. This, ahead of a cold front that is working its way in our direction, bringing with it the gusty winds and falling temperatures that will get us thinking ahead to winter.


With that in mind, here is a short passage from my novel, "The Bandaged Place", that describes the change of seasons:
"November takes me by surprise. I should have seen it coming. Like incense over the altar, wood smoke hangs heavy in the air.


There are pumpkins on every porch—Smiley, Goofy, Grumpy, Spooky—so that Middleburg takes on a personality of its own. This is one of those powder puff mornings when the rising sun causes everything to blush. The air is so still that the chimney smoke reaches straight up into the soft pink haze that clings to the treetops. Instead of dew, we awaken to the glitter of frost on the grass, to ice on the windshield, to breath that crystallizes in mid-air. I can tell that snow is on the way. I know it as surely as I know the smell of honeysuckle in May, of fresh cut grass in July, and burning leaves in October.



Summer has surrendered to autumn. Sightseers choke the mountain roads by day and jam the restaurants and bars at night. But these are fair-weather fans. They may extol the glories of blazing foliage and crisp, clean air but they’ll be sure to head home before snow flies, before Mother Nature packs up her palette and heads south leaving behind the soft soothing shades of oatmeal and brown sugar, of seashells and sand, of bone.
Before the sun pales and the sky turns to lead. Before the wind shifts and whistles unchecked through the bare branches, tossing fallen leaves around like the snow that is sure to follow."
Try to enjoy the change of seasons.
*

"I prefer winter and fall,
when you feel the bone structure of the landscape.
Something waits beneath it.
The whole story doesn't show."

~Andrew Wyeth~

*
I'm with Andrew. What about you?
jan

Sunday, October 27, 2024

take my advice

 



If you have already voted, or if you know who you plan to vote for and nothing anyone says can change your mind, or even if you're still undecided...take my advice. Turn off your TV and other devices. Stop listening to the news and scrolling through the posts that concern the upcoming election. You already know everything you need to know about your candidate. It has been out there for weeks. Nothing about your candidate is going to  change.

"Autumn, 
the season that teaches us that
change can be beautiful."
~Heather Stillufsen~

Instead, do this. Before it's too late. Before you lose your chance: 

Go outside and take a walk. Enjoy the sunshine and warm weather. Gaze up into the cloudless blue sky. Take time to appreciate the brilliant autumn foliage. Breathe.

Take it easy on yourself. Embrace the beauty of the season. Surrender to wonder. To awe. Like I did today:








Remember: it won't be long before we have more than the election to complain about. Soon, it will be the cold, wet, windy weather that is typical for this time of year. Sleet. Even snow.

Enjoy the next nine days while you can!

"I would rather sit on a pumpkin,
and have it all to myself,
than to be crowded on a velvet cushion."
~Henry David Thoreau~

Be sure you vote!
jan

Monday, October 14, 2024

why you must remain open-minded



After I retired from the practice of traditional Western medicine, I explored a host of "alternative" or "complementary" healing practices that I had been taught to believe were about as effective as snake oil. All of them hocus-pocus. But I'd seen them work, so I was curious about them. My interest in these practices dates back to my experience with hypnosis in the 1970s, thanks to the work of people like Milton Erickson, widely acclaimed to be the father of modern hypnotherapy.

True story:

In 1973, I was in my third year of medical school in upstate New York. Winter that year was brutal. We braced for frigid temperatures and measured snowfall in feet, not inches. Danger lurked everywhere. People filed into emergency rooms with broken arms and legs, amputated fingers from snowblower mishaps, and frostbite. They suffered heart attacks and serious back injuries while shoveling snow. The ER in winter was a good place for a medical student to learn the ropes. How to suture an open wound. How to set a broken bone. How to rewarm frozen fingers.

One Saturday night, when I was shadowing the orthopedic resident on call for the weekend, we were paged to the Emergency Room to see a woman who had slipped on the ice in her driveway, fallen, and dislocated her elbow. This is a painful injury, and it usually requires strong pain medication and sedation or light anesthesia before the injured joint can be safely realigned and immobilized.

Interestingly, the resident I was with that night had earned a reputation as something of a maverick among his colleagues  He'd orchestrated his own inguinal hernia repair under self-hypnosis when he was an intern...no anesthesia needed, thank you very much...and he was known for offering hypnosis to his patients in lieu of anesthesia for certain procedures, as well.

This was back in days when alternative approaches to healing were met with derision and even mockery by traditionally trained physicians like myself. So, I was a little skeptical when the resident offered to hypnotize the woman with the injured elbow, and she readily agreed. 

He simply instructed her to direct her gaze upward while she slowly closed her eyes and counted backwards from ten. Ten. Nine. Eight...and she was out. He gave her elbow a yank and a twist to relocate it, wrapped it, and asked her to open her eyes. She walked out a happy woman.

I was sold. So sold, in fact, I went on to study self-hypnosis, and I eventually underwent a surgical procedure without sedation or anesthesia myself. Afterwards, I climbed off the gurney, got dressed, and went out for lunch. So, I know it works...

It didn't take a huge leap of faith to move from hypnosis into a meditation practice, and from there to consciousness studies, and from there, to energy practices, all of which were…and, for the most part, still are...regarded as nonsense in the "real" health care community where I practiced medicine for thirty years.

Most mainstream medical providers deny or dismiss the validity of energy medicine...practices that are believed to free up and move internal energy. Not everyone believes that focused attention or consciousness can redirect or release energy in the body, and that this can lead to healing. But many people do believe in it. They dedicate their lives to it. They train for years. They include practitioners of therapeutic touch and Reiki, sound healers and crystal healers, chakra and aura healers, faith healers and shamans, acupuncturists, Ayurvedic healers, yogis and Qigong healers, among many others...

...which intrigues me. Not only how energy medicine works...but the fact that it works at all. And the fact that so few health care providers are aware of these techniques, or curious about them, or receptive to them, because, lacking randomized, placebo-controlled, double-blind studies to prove their worth, they don't believe in them. 

The prevailing bias against these practices and techniques arises out of the usual arguments citing the placebo effect. It denies the subjective influence of the healer's presence and touch, of empathy, connection, and open heart, all of which have been shown to play a role in healing. It ignores the fact that the therapeutic efficacy of many traditional Western medicines and practices also depend upon the placebo effect. They work because the patient expects them to work. Because the patient believes they work. Because they trust their healthcare provider. The efficacy also depends upon the interaction between the patient and the health care provider, including his attentiveness, ability to communicate, and to instill trust and hope.

"The placebo effect is scientific proof
that we have the ability
to heal ourselves."
~Dr. Kelly Brogan~ 

Health care is based upon science. Upon research. Upon observational studies and outcome statistics. If you are a health care provider, or if you see one, you trust medical science. You have studied it, or observed it, or experienced healing because of it. You are also aware of its shortcomings.

Many traditionally trained physicians reject the role and efficacy of alternate approaches to healing, among them hypnotherapy and energy medicine, because they haven't studied them or tried them. This is blatantly unscientific. The true scientist is curious about things he doesn't understand. He makes an effort to learn about them. He tests them out. He tries them for himself.

Opening ourselves to possibility, exploring issues we are curious and even skeptical about, and embracing our intuition when it contradicts what we have been taught or conditioned to believe all enable us to choose our way forward. To live fully. To break away when we are torn by the dualities we encounter…what we are taught to believe versus what we observe or experience in our lives, what we are conditioned to accept and defend even when it violates our deeply held beliefs, our tendency to deny the truth when it offends our perception of reality.

As health care providers and consumers, instead of rejecting outright what we don't believe in, or understand, or trust, we should explore, observe, and evaluate for ourselves. Who knows what we might learn that will help us heal others...and ourselves.

"Be open-minded...
Free yourself of preconceptions...
Question everything, even yourself."
~Loren Salmansohn~
jan

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

LIC

 

Most people I know enjoy visiting the zoo where they are guided by colorful banners and propelled by children’s laughter and their shrieks of anticipation and awe. Where lumbering elephants, yawning hippos, and acrobatic monkeys appear to live in peace, their needs met and the purpose of their lives fulfilled. It’s reassuring to know they don’t have to worry about being eaten alive, starving to death on the Serengeti, or drowning in a pool of mud. This is how I saw it when I was a child, although my thoughts on the subject have changed over the years.

Now that I’m older, I wonder if the animals are as content as they appear to be in their cages, satisfied with their man-made habitats, and happy behind the fences that surround them. I wonder why they pace endlessly and aimlessly back and forth, or sleep the day away when they haven’t been forced to chase down prey or run for their own lives. How do they satisfy the ancestral instinct to migrate as the seasons change? To evade and escape predators? To search for food and water? What happened to the native intuition that enabled their survival and propagation over the millennia? Is there something missing? Something they long for but can’t identify or express?

How did they end up there in the first place?

I wonder about it because I sometimes feel the same way. I find myself asking the same kind of questions. “How did I end up here?” In this place? With this job? With this person?

What is my purpose in life, a real sticking point as I age. Why do I sometimes feel empty? Lonely? Who am I

Are there other options? Is there a way out? How can I free myself? What else is possible?

Welcome to the lineage of thinkers, spiritual explorers, and intellectual seekers who have confronted these same questions ahead of you, for thousands of years. Plato, Socrates, Aristotle. Buddha. Mohammad. Jesus and Mary. Emerson and Thoreau. Your own pastor or priest. Your grandparents, and theirs. Every human being who has contemplated the end of life, none of whom has arrived at the answer, the fundamental truth. Something is missing. That

First came the promises. You’ll be safe, cared for, protected. Then, the enticements. Food. Shelter. Affection. You thought you would be happy. Successful. At peace. But you’re not. You were tricked.

The promises came from people you trusted or depended upon when you were too young, or naïve, or ________to understand what was happening. From your parents and teachers. Your friends and family. Priests and pastors. They came from people who asserted power over you, manipulated you, even coerced you. They deceived you while claiming to have your best interests at heart. “This is the way,” they told you. If you hope to be embraced in this life, if you seek success and happiness, this is what you have to do. If you hope to enter heaven this is what you have to believe. And because you were lost, lonely, and hungry, or because you felt threatened, or because you didn’t know any better, you did what they told you to do. You fell for it. 

It is also possible you misunderstood what they were trying to tell you. Or you felt pressured to conform, even though you were uncomfortable with their expectations, conduct, and values.

Then, you realized there were rules. Requirements. Contingencies. 

After all, you were inundated with images and behaviors that offended your sense of propriety, good sense, and community.

There was a lot at stake.

If you have visited a zoo, or an animal shelter, or a sanctuary you know what I mean. The animals surrendered to captivity when they were vulnerable. Perhaps they’d been abandoned, or they were hungry or injured. It wasn’t until the gate closed behind them that they realized it takes more than food to satisfy real hunger. More than a roof over your head to feel safe. More than an adoring audience to fulfill your dreams.

Likewise, it takes more than a big house, or a sporty car, or new wardrobe to make you happy. More than wealth, or power, or accolades to satisfy your longing. Not until the gate closes behind us do we realize we have been tricked. We are trapped.

We thought we would be happy, but we aren’t. We thought our problems would disappear, but they didn’t. We thought our prayers would be answered, but they haven’t been. Instead, we find ourselves tethered to someone else’s idea of right and wrong. Rich and poor. Happy and sad.

We are conditioned to surrender to other people’s opinions, and to the conclusions we drew as children that became our beliefs about who we are and what we deserve in life. By the time we realize this is not__________________

And so, we pace. We search for a way out. But the thought of leaving safety and security behind can be scary. The idea of making our own way in the world, of questioning or abandoning the people we depend upon immobilizes us. We look for freedom, a new job, a new church, a different partner…………….until we end up so exhausted, so frustrated, so unhappy we give up. We curl up in a corner and go to sleep. We follow rituals that have no meaning to us. We spout the platitudes we grew up with, trivialize our doubts, and surrender rather than embracing our own innate wisdom and reason.

This is life in captivity, where the way we’re meant to see the world is laid out for us. Where people who claim to know it all, tell us what we should believe, what we are supposed to do, and how we should see ourselves. Which is fine if they tell you you’re bright, capable, kind, handsome, and strong. The problem is that it doesn’t always come out that way. Instead____They make you feel weak, stupid, lazy, unlovable, or worthless. You end up believing it, and you can’t shake it off. And because they appear to know what they’re talking about, you do what you’re told. IE:

 

Finding your way out is really about finding your way back


 
 
 
. ‘Finding yourself’ is not really how it works…You are not lost. Your true self is right there, buried under cultural conditioning, other people’s opinions, and inaccurate conclusions you drew as a kid that became your beliefs about who you are. ‘Finding Yourself’ is actually returning to yourself. An unlearning, an excavation, a remembering who you were before the world got its hands on you.”
***

 

 


Tuesday, October 8, 2024

home at last




I'm baaaack! Well, let's just say I'm back home physically following the trip of a lifetime with my daughters to Italy and Switzerland, even though part of me is still there...mentally, emotionally, and spiritually...still overawed by the immense beauty of the Alps, and the expansive wilderness that felt like home to me, at last.

"The mountains are calling,
and I must go."
~John Muir~



I decided not to post a whole gallery of photos (I have hundreds of them...) because, as we all know, the pictures we take never seem to capture the grandeur of the reality we are witnessing. They don't reflect the emotions we feel in that place, at that moment. They serve as tokens of our experience, but don't resonate with others the way they do for us. 

"The wilderness is healing,
a therapy for the soul."
~Nicholas Kristoff~



Meaning, you must experience it for yourself. You must go. 

Here is my advice:
  • While you're thinking about where you'd like to go, save your money. Pass on the latest fashion trends and high tech gadgets. Instead, invest wisely so when the opportunity arises, you can afford to go without scrimping or feeling guilty about it.
  • Go when you're still young enough and strong enough to do and see everything you'd hoped for. Before you lose your chance.
  • Go with people you love.
  • Be flexible. Welcome whatever unfolds as part of the adventure.
  • Consider a one-way ticket. You may want to stay there. Forever.

"Keep close to Nature's heart...
break clear away once in a while,
and climb a mountain or spend a week
in the woods.
Wash your spirit clean."
~John Muir~



Remember:

"Not all who wander are lost."
~JRR Tolkien~
jan








Monday, September 16, 2024

the more you read, the more you know


Burlington Harbor


Just a head's up: I'll be going off the grid for the next two weeks to enjoy some bucket-list worthy travel with two of my favorite people on the planet--my daughters. We're off to Lake Como in northern Italy, and from there, up into the Swiss Alps to a little village called Wengen. I've been working out and walking a lot for the past few weeks to get in shape for some hiking. I picked up a few necessary items: a good backpack, hiking shoes, and a jacket (it snowed there last week!). My bags are packed. Our itinerary is tentatively in place. There's just one problem: what will I read on the way??

"Reading can take you places 
you've never been before."
~Dr. Seuss~

Case in point...

In addition to laying in supplies and challenging my legs in preparation for our trip, I picked out a couple of books that sounded interesting. Nothing too thick or heavy. I have a hard time focusing on reading in an airplane unless I'm seriously engaged in the topic, so I came up with a few books that were referenced in something else I was reading or books I found in the bibliography or on-line. The problem is now I can't decide which ones will come with me. 

I have "Wherever You Go, There You Are" by Jon Kabat-Zinn. It sounded apropos, but I actually ordered it a while back in preparation for a meditation retreat with him next year, some twenty years after my first retreat with him.



But...I'll probably finish it before we leave.

Which leaves me with three other choices:

It also sounded apropos considering what is happening in our world...but that's not what it's about. 

"When We Cease to Understand the World shows us great minds striking out into dangerous, uncharted terrain. Fritz Haber, Alexander Grothendieck, Werner Heisenberg, Erwin Schrödinger: these are among the luminaries into whose troubled minds we are thrust as they grapple with the most profound questions of existence. They have strokes of unparalleled genius, they alienate friends and lovers, they descend into isolated states of madness. Some of their discoveries revolutionize our world for the better; others pave the way to chaos and unimaginable suffering. The lines are never clear.
With breakneck pace and wondrous detail, Benjamín Labatut uses the imaginative resources of fiction to break open the stories of scientists and mathematicians who expanded our notions of the possible."

...like quantum theory, singularity, and nuclear fission. Enough to drive anyone mad.

    2.


The author of this book is an experimental psychologist and clinical hypnotherapist who starts off with the three concepts that drove my interest in alternative healing methods early on, in the 1970s, when all of it was (and for many of the orthodox medical elite, still is) considered snake oil...hogwash...naive stupidity. These include clinical hypnosis, neurolinguistic programming, and neuroplasticity, among others. 

This one is definitely going with me!

    3.


In this book, the author revisits the wisdom that suggests our emotions are inseparable from our physiology and health. He explores the idea that repressed emotions create stress that can lead to disease, in particular auto-immune diseases...which is big issue in my family of origin. So, of course, I'm interested. He argues that taking time to listen to our patients' stories is a lost art.

This one will be going with me, too. 

So, I guess that's settled.

Not a mystery or romance among them. No fantasy or horror. Nothing to do with politics. Nevertheless...if that's what you prefer to read, we can still be friends, right? Right??

"The more you read, the more things you know.
The more that you learn,
the more places you'll go."
~Dr. Seuss, again~

Bis Widerhuege! Which is Swiss German for goodbye...see you again!
jan










Tuesday, September 10, 2024

how to feel better about things

 

Tanzania 2012

Last week we were reminded once again...as if we needed a reminder...that the world we live in is a conglomeration of both beauty and ruin, of cruelty and kindness, of contentment and despair. Of joy and grief. Of pain. Of mystery. It's a lot to think about.

We saw school children embracing one another in tears at the senseless gun violence that took down two of them and two of their teachers in Georgia. We watched children wander aimlessly through the rubble of what used to be home for them in Gaza. We were subjected to more political nonsense that included insults, lies, and denial from people we should be able to trust to defend the freedom, justice, and equality our nation was built upon.

"Suffering by nature or by chance
never seems so painful as
suffering inflicted on us by the arbitrary will of another."
~Arthur Schopenhauer~

Suffering is not only painful to witness, but it can leave us feeling helpless. Frustrated. Heartbroken. Thank goodness for goodness. For kindness, gratitude, and forgiveness. For people who step up to feed the hungry. For people who do what they can to provide relief. Comfort. Solace. Thank goodness for people who speak the truth and act on it...

"Although the world is full of suffering, 
it is also full of the overcoming of it."
~Helen Keller~

...because suffering has a tendency to overwhelm us. We need to remind ourselves that goodness abounds. It can help to seek out and appreciate beauty. To embrace friendship. To contemplate the mysteries that surround us. As Neil DeGrasse Tyson tells us, 

"Everyone should have their mind blown
once a day."
~Neil DeGrasse Tyson~

If you feel overwhelmed, or angry, or broken by the suffering you are experiencing yourself, or witnessing around you, or learning about from afar, contemplate the problem and explore the ways you might be able to help. Volunteer. Donate. Speak up. Set an intention or send up a prayer if that seems to work for you. 

If you feel thwarted or helpless, give yourself permission to think about something else for a little while. Let yourself rest. If all else fails, make an effort to put things into perspective. Contemplate the stars in the night sky. Read something by Neil DeGrasse Tyson:

"The universe is under no obligation
to make sense to you."
~Neil DeGrasse Tyson~

Listen to something by Bach or the Beach Boys. Step outdoors even if it's raining. Find a tree to hug. A dog to pet. A baby to hold. You'll feel better. 
jan